Coffee Percs

He took a seat and she put the coffee pot on the stove before walking back over and sitting at the kitchen table across from him.”
              –C.J. Petit  (Cole)

Welcome, Pard, pour yurself a cup of coffee.  I’ve taken pen in hand to write a note.  I reckoned I’d help the PETA folk out an’ write a eulogy for them kilt lobsters out on the highway.  Don’t know if yuh heard of their demise, but it seems a truckload of them tasty things (ooops, ‘cuse me) were headin’ to market and they were hit by another truck and then spread all over the highway.  Those PETA folk took it pretty seriously and are even puttin’ up a tombstone for them.  Something like this:
              “Here lies lobster Pete
               Hit by a truck
               Now lays all over the street.”
It’s kinda sad if’n yuh ask me.  Ol’ lobster Pete would do better on the table covered with lemon and butter.
    Let me put this aside and put my lips to the cup.  Ahhh, good stuff this mornin’.  Say, yuh didn’t see no wild animals runnin’ around on the way over did yuh?  I heard that they done let those animals out of their cage on the Animal Cracker box.  I mean, those animals bein’ in a cage might do damage to someone’s psyche.  My mercy, it’s sure tough growin’ up these days.
    Next thing they’ll be sayin’ that the roastin’ of a coffee bean is torture.  I mean there are puttin’ up tombstones for lobsters why not protest the roastin’ then the grindin’ of a poor bean?  Folks are plumb crazy and there are more of them comin’ out of the woodworks, not cockroaches, but there sure not much difference.  Elections comin’ up so there’ll be the folk out there lyin’ their heads off.  I used to think that lawyers and bureaucrats were the worst, but I think those media folk may be on top of the totem now.
    The plate?  Well, sorry pard.  The wife made her first apple pie at the new homestead, and well, there just ain’t none left.  I didn’t mean to leave the empty plate sittin’ out.  With all the family around, they just made sure they had their fill of that pie.  Take a sip, and I’ll tell yuh for sure that it was good, plus we also had chili and cornbread.
    Listen, yuh keep that gun oiled and by yur side.  No tellin’ what’ll happen with these elections comin’ up.  At least we have the good Lord by our side, and He’s the one who is in charge.  Think of it, He already knows what’ll happen.
    Let me get back to my eulogy.  Huh?  Yuh don’t think PETA wants to hear from me?  Why?  Bacon?  I’ve eaten more than my share of bacon durin’ my life.  Hmmm, well, I’ve always said grace and thanked the Lord for it.
    Yuh be careful and watch for them animal crackers that are on the loose.  Check that cinch.