Coffee Percs

I melted snow water in a lard pail.  I don’t think hot coffee ever hit the spot more than it did on that night of the Arctic blizzard.”
              –Richard P. Hobson, Jr.

Brrr, it’s been gettin’ chilly the past several mornin’s, but that’s to be expected this time of year.  Get yurself in here, pard, warm yurself up, and I’ll be bringin’ the coffee shortly to warm up the innards as well.  Hope yuh had a good week, not got yurself in any trouble.  Been quite a spell since I’ve made coffee from snow, don’t yuh worry, I didn’t use the lake water either.
    Yuh know, pard, trouble just happens with life.  It is part of it, the thing we have to do is not bein’ the cause of too much of our own troubles.  The Lord has said, that each day has enough trouble of its own, so we don’t need to be addin’ to it.  What we need to be doin’ instead is thankin’ the good Lord for all His manifold blessin’s.
    Ahhh, now what do yuh think of that thyar coffee?  Mighty tasty if yur askin’ me.  Plumb delightful.  Thank the Lord for good tastin’ coffee.  Not much better than that simple little thing unless, that is, if yuh want to add a piece of pie to go along with it.  Thanksgivin’ is comin’ and that surely must mean some pie.
    Saw where some of those fruit-loop, far-left liberals are upset that a pastor told a man he could not come to church dressed as a woman.  My mercy!  Right is right, and that’s all there is about it. If a man don’t know he’s a man, well there’s certainly somethin’ wrong.  Thing is that for the last three decades and more they, as our ol’ pard C.S. Lewis said, are tryin’ to emasculate man.  Pard, yuh can’t even whistle at a girl no more, she might be a guy and he might get, sore, then again…  Then again, it might also be considered harassment.  Whatever happened to the days when men were men, and women were glad of it?
    My mercy, pard, they’re even wantin’ us to weaken our coffee with all kinds of sweet stuff.  Just like all of this other goin’s on, that just makes my ol’ stomach queasy.
    “Nough said, yuh be havin’ a good Thanksgivin’ week.  Don’t each too much of that turkey and pie; definitely don’t drink any of them “cinos” or my gracious, punkin-spice coffee.  And be sure not to be lazy and not check yur cinch yur hoss might just see one of them strange characters, gender-benders, on the streets and rear up on yuh.