Coffee Percs

He had gathered dry wood before the rain started, managing to keep it fairly dry through the night….  He built a fire and made coffee while he tried to keep warm.”
              –Elmer Kelton  (Other Men’s Horses)

Come on in, Pard, an’ throw yur grubby boots under the table.  I’ll let it dry and sweep it up later.  Sure is hard to get a dry day lately, and as soon as we get a couple, here it comes again, rainin’ cats ‘n’ dogs.  Ooop, sorry PETA and those sensitive folk.  
    Pard, how in the world did we ever get so sensitive?  I’ve a notion that it’s all the drinkin’ of cinos and mixin’ coffee with all of those flavors an’ sweet’ners out there.  Whenever yuh begin to compromise and water things down, well, that bring out the sensitivity.  Hmmm, wish some of those folk would take a walk through a poison ivy patch, then we’d really see how sensitive they really are.
    Some things are just beyond my imagination.  ‘Course I know the talk that slings out the mouths of folks is gettin’ worse.  My mercy, even Christians are cussin’ now.  It might do them good to take a bath in the Word; too bad they haven’t had their mouths washed out with soap.  Speakin’ of that, is that Congresswoman goin’ to be censored for her public obscenities?  Terrible–shameful, and there’s no way around that.  And I don’t care if someone gets their feelin’s hurt, there ain’t any reason to say things like that, public or private.
    Sorry, I’m so busy ventin’ that I forgot to fill yur cup up.  Say, just wave it around when it’s empty, or are yuh afraid of hurtin’ my feelin’s?  But as I was sayin’ the ol’ Apostle Paul said that we should rid ourselves of obscene, vulgar, abusive and filthy language (Col 3:8) and here a public official is runnin’ off at the mouth.
    More coffee?  Not apologizing pard, some things just jerk my jaws.  No, not yur coffee cup, the idiots with the foul mouths.  Shows their character and education.
    Best yuh be headin’ on down the trail.  If yuh fall off that horse because yuh didn’t check yur cinch yuh best keep a civil tongue and not blame yur ol’ hoss.