Coffee Percs

She watched intently as he ate and refilled his coffee cup two more times.  Finally, after a heroic effort, he finished his pie, leaned back in his chair and patted his stomach.  ‘That was the best piece of pie I ever ate.'”
              –C.M. Curtis  (Return of the Outlaw)

Get in this kitchen Pard, don’tcha know better that to be out in this weather?  It’ll put an ache in yur bones.  I’ll grabs some cups; coffee’s hot an’ I’ll have yuh a cup poured in no time.  Sure glad I’m down in this cold, Texas weather–ha, shore don’t think I could handle any minus zero weather any more.  See how the Lord shows us blessin’ in little ways.
    Mercy, that was sure a good apple pie.  Should have saved yuh a piece, but as I know yur a bit concerned ’bout yur midriff I didn’t want to tempt yuh.  I ate half of the last piece, don’t have a clue who et the other half.  I mention this, now don’t get ruffled over it, but the wife made a coconut cream pie for dinner last Sunday.  Spoilt–who me?
    Shore has been interestin’ watchin’ that fool from “New York City” makin’ even a bigger fool of herself.  Did yuh happen to catch even part of her plan?  De-gas the cows, no airplanes, no guns, guaranteed income even for those who don’t work, every buildin’ in the country rebuilt are just a few of the plan.  Now, let me get to the point pard, don’t be a-worryin’ I’ll fill yur cup, but first I wonder how such a novice, first-time young mouth of a congresswoman has so much clout?  Stop and think of that.  How come they allow her to spout so much?  That’s what I can’t figure.
    Now to yur coffee.  I wouldn’t want to keep yuh waitin’.  Heat up those innards before headin’ back out.  Now, I do muh readin’ and research, by surely I came ‘cross this little piece.  There’s a hullaballoo concernin’ minimum wage an’ thought this is appropriate, “If yuh have minimum skills, minimum education, show minimum motivation, and provide minimum contribution why should someone be forced to pay you more than minimum wage?  Let that soak through yur brain fer a while.
    Pot’s empty, so yu’ll be leavin’.  Glad yuh stopped by; now yuh be careful, stay away from gassy cows, be mindful enough to check yur cinch.