Coffee Percs

The old man moved to the fireplace, poured a cup of coffee from a large pot hanging in the hearth.”
              –Cliff Hudgins  (Viejo and the Ranger)

Come in, Pard, throw yur spurs under the table, I’ll be bringin’ the coffee shortly.  I remember some ol’ boys like in the above quotation movin’ slowly to the coffeepot.  They always kept the coffee on, and yuh can be sured it was hot and strong enough where yuh could stand yur spoon up in it.
    Say, Pard!  Didn’t yur Ma tell yuh not to wear yur hat at the table?  I’m surprised, I’ve not known yuh to do it before.  Haircut?  What!? Yuh saw a sign thinkin’ it said saloon and it turned out to be a beauty saloon.  That’ll teach yuh.  They tricked yuh.  Well, don’t feel that yur alone, that smarty-pants from California has said the same thing an’ she’s one of the smart ones, a bureaucrat yuh know.  They told yuh not to smile?  Smiling is now illegal in California?  How would they know if’n yuh had yur mask on.  Oh, it’s not smilin’ it’s bein’ happy.  They’re sayin’ that bein’ happy is discriminatin’ against all those folk out there that ain’t happy.  Poor folk!
    Say, if’n they would come and drink some coffee with us, maybe some of their woes would pass on.  My coffee has a tendency to change one’s demeanor.  Makes yur gizzard want to stand up and say “howdy.”  Gloom and despair are a terrible thing to carry around, much less live in it every day.  My mercy, all they have to do is turn to the Lord.  In fact, He’s a-awaitin’ to ease their gloom and take away that despair and throw it into the sea.
    I jist don’t understand why folks want to choose to be antagonistic toward the Lord.  Now, that’s a big word, do yuh know what it means?  I mean, God is so good to us; why would people choose to be filled with hate.  Hmmm, maybe hate makes ’em happy?  Nah, else they’d be wearin’ a smile instead of a smirk or sneer.
    Why jist bein’ here with yuh this mornin’ Pard, has brought a smile to my face.  The coffee helps, but we both know we’re happy because of the good Lord and how He cares for us.
    Oh, Pard, yuh better put yur hat back on before tryin’ to mount.  It is somethin’ to behold an’ that ol’ nag of yourn might get the heebie-jeebies and will take off before yuh can check yur cinch.
                        Vaya con Dios.