Coffee Percs

I went to work on the cookstove, and soon had it hot and coffee going.”
             –Lou Bradshaw  (Blue Norther)

Seat yurself; coffee comin’ right up.  Sorry, I have to mosey on over to yuh, but the rheumatize is actin’ up.  Take a sip, ahhh…now ain’t that grand?  I still haven’t gotten around to checkin’ its quality as a topical linament.
   I was ponderin’ pard, yuh know how I am and realize that there are some things I just don’t understand.  Way back yonder, a few years, we were invited over to someone’s spread for coffee cake.  That brought a smile to my face.  I took my first bite an’ was sorta surprised, that cake didn’t taste like coffee at all, and there were blueberries in it.  Then I was politely told that it was cake for my coffee.  I had to raise my eyebrows, but well, why not, I like cake in milk, why not in coffee?  I cut a chunk off and dropped it in my cup.  That hot coffee was quickly soaked up and my piece of cake was floating around in my cup.  It sure looked a mess.  That’s when I received a jab in the ribs.  “Coffee cake,” my sweet sophisticated wife said, “was to be eaten with the coffee.”  Well, that made sense, but why didn’t they invite me over for coffee and a piece of cake?
   Gets me to thinkin’ how the devil offers us something, not clarifyin’ what he’s talkin’ about an’ the next thing yuh know, we’re lookin’ like a fool.  
   As you can see, pard.  No cake from me, just plain ol’ hot, strong coffee.  Maybe one day soon I can add a piece of pie.  Here, let me fill that cup again for yuh.
   One more thing I’ve been ponderin.  Why in the world is the American media and people all in a tizzy over this weddin’ over in England?  Sure don’t make much sense to me.  We’ve been independent for quite a spell and surely don’t bow to English royalty.  Guess it’s all the hurrah.
   Then I heard some of those media folk a-babblin’ about how the President shouldn’t call anyone an “animal.”  Well, let me tell you.  There are some folk out there that live and act like animals, and one more thing–some of them are rabid.  If you be readin’ in 2 Peter and Jude, they refer to evil people as “brute beasts”–animals.
   Be sure an’ don’t be listenin’ to the lies of the devil.  Why he might tell yuh that yur cinch is tight enough.  Pard, yuh best be checkin’ it for yurself.