Coffee Percs

His boots thumped on the porch as the coffeepot in her kitchen began to boil.  The aroma of the Arbuckle’s Ground Premium Coffee she’d scooped into the pot filled the room and extended throughout the house like a welcoming smile.” 
              –Paul Bagdon (Stallions of Burnt Rock)

Here we are again; another week and we made it through.  Pard, yuh need to ponder what I’m sayin’ now.  As you slide down the bannister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction.  There’s some powerful strong teachin’ there.  Say, how ’bout that porch?  Finally looks good.  And the flowers out front, my ain’t this place startin’ to gain some of that cosmetic appearance?  Don’t make a home though, that takes the hand of my wife.  She sure is the domestic one, plus the coffeepot is always on and ready anytime someone needs a break.  Ahhh. . . .sure is fine.  I surely do reckon that the Lord has been good to us over the years!
    Now don’t yuh be goin’ to San Antonio an’ expectin’ chicken at the airport.  Nosiree…those enlightened city fathers there are sayin’ that chicken company, Chick-fil-A, by name are downright evil.  Why they even close on Sundays to honor the Lord!  They say they don’t cotton to that gay crowd.  Yuh know, pard, never saw them refuse them a piece of chicken in my life.  Yep, there’re sure strange things happenin’ in the land.
    With all the that’s happenin’ sure is good to sit a spell an’ have a cup, well a pot, of coffee with yuh.  I remember hearin’ that at the surrender of Cornwallis to General Washington that the British played a song, “The World Turned Upside Down.”  “If mice chased cats…” and so on.  Well, for sure pard, there’s a host out there tryin’ to turn the world upside down, only this is what is surely evil.  Good is bad, and evil is good.  Folks are so confused they don’t know if’n they’re male or female.  Men, who think they’re a woman (Lord, help us) participate in women’s athletic events and win.  Now, ain’t that a surprise.  
    Pard, swaller the rest of yur coffee.  Listen, yuh better stick to what the Bible says.  Don’t yuh go a-listenin’ to those hoot-owls that can’t tell what gender a person is, yuh guard the truth!  I mean they are already tryin’ to get rid of the cows because they pass too much gas.  Next thing they’ll be a sayin’ is that there’s no need to be checkin’ yur cinch.  Why they’re plumb loco!  Vaya con Dios, my friend.