Coffee Percs

With a quick breakfast and what must have been a gallon of coffee under his belt, he swung into the saddle and started once more.”
              –Louis L’Amour  (“The Man From Battle Flat”)

    Mornin’ to yuh, Pard.  Hope yuh didn’t hurt yurself hurryin’ to get to the table.  Must in powerful need of some of my robust, grand-tastin’ comin’-at-yuh joy-juice to get the ol’ gizzard in gear this mornin’.  Ahhh, just relax a spell, and quite murmurin’ against the weather and all those other things a-naggin’ at yur soul.  Yuh cayn’t do much about most of ’em.
    More and more I’m convinced that the media, all forms of it, is out to be manipulatin’ us.  It used to be that the job of the news was to speak the truth.  Not no more, that for shore.  They have one job and that is to be manipulatin’ us folk out here.  They want us to hop to their tune.  Why, even the weather! Shucks, before the weather channel we got up and did what had to be done, made plans and if we saw a storm cloud a-brewin’, well we just took precaution.  Now, don’t get me wrong Pard, we should be wary of the storms, what’ I’m sayin’ is that we are even lettin’ the weather channel and now all these aps tellin’ us how to live our lives.  Why I think they just laugh at us fixin’ our lives around their reports.  Yuh know, I’m convinced that weathermen are one of the three occupations that are paid to lie.  ‘Course the other two are lawyers and politicians, and I might add the media.  
    Hold on just a second, I need to guzzle the last few drops in my cup and get a refill.  Now, then, another thing…what are these things they call “apps”?  Just another thing to rob our time.  Friend, I’m a-tellin’ yuh, once that’s gone there ain’t no repayin’.  Time is a precious thing and we give it away to an “app.” 
    Pard, while I’m doin’ some serious rantin’, don’t yuh fret I ain’t started into ravin’ yet.  They done and passed that gun law up there in Colorado.  I just scratch my head at how my ol’ home-state can be so stupid.  Especially with all the hunters and woodsmen that live there.  Goes to show yuh what’s ahead of us.  If’n yuh have a gun in yur home, and it makes a neighbor fear for their safety, they can report yuh and the law can come and confiscate all yur guns.  What about yur safety?  Listen, the holy Scriptures has done declared that we are a-livin’ in perilous times.  Yuh best be stayin’ alert, and yuh best be listenin’ for those heavenly hoofbeats.  I’m not talkin’ ’bout those “Ghost Riders” up in the sky, but those heavenly riders, especially the Boss Rider.  
    Well, I done did my preachifyin’ this mornin’.  Glad yuh stopped my an’ had some coffee with the ol’ fence post.  Yuh be takin’ care of yurself, and don’t let those witches be manipulatin’ yuh none.  Yuh know, manipulation is witchcraft don’t yuh?  An’ Pard, don’t be takin’ for granted that yur cinch is tight–check it before yuh mount.