Coffee Percs

He poured himself another cup of coffee and leaned back.  His face was real thoughtful looking.”
              –Tell Cotton (Confessions of a Gunfighter)

Come in here, Pard.  Say, what’s that lump alongside yur head?  Yuh didn’t forget yur sweet-thing on Valentines?  Forget to check yur cinch?  Well, be tellin’ me while I pour the coffee.  What?  She thumped yuh with a skillet for spoutin’ poetry right from the Good Book.
    Let me get this right.  Yuh were readin’ from that wise ol’ sage Solomon and she didn’t like what yuh were sayin’?  Do tell.  “To me, my darling, you are like my mare among the chariots of Pharaoh.”  Ha, ha, yuh dummy.  In this modern an’ enlightened society yuh can’t be comparin’ a woman to yur favorite horse.  Now, I’ll agree that some of them high falutin’ folk bray more like a donkey and…  Well, leave it at that.  Take a drink of ol’ Ira’s coffee, it might not help the knot on yur head, but will sooth the gizzard.
    Look around yuh, Pard.  Society is not like it used to be, when man attempted to be guided by the Word of God.  It sure looks to be that we are now livin’ in that time that Paul wrote about, “God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper.”  People used to shun them, not givin’ much ado about them, but now society seems to approve of their despicable actions.
    Sorry, didn’t mean to put a damper on yur Saturday.  Yuh better go apologize to yur wife, but yuh best be chosin’ yur words carefully.  Yuh can take a thermos of my coffee to appease her.  No, yuh think best not as she might hit yuh over the noggin’ with it.  Ha, ain’t yuh the funny one.  At least, check yur cinch when yuh mount; yuh can’t afford to have a knot on the other side of yur hat-holder.