Coffee Percs

The coffee was pitch-black and thick.  It took him three cups before he decided he liked it.”
               –Stephen Bly  (I’m Off to Montana)

It’s been a good week, don’t yuh think Pard?  The coffee’s been ready, so is yur cup, so start yur swallowin’.  Yuh know the other day was my anniversary.  I remember when I used to serenade the sweet gal.  Now!  There yuh go, snortin’ yur coffee again, an’ sloshin’ it on the table.  My, I don’t know why my singin’ gets yuh all so flustered.  She liked it.  It sorta set the mood for spoonin’.  What’s that yuh say?  Her ears were stuffed with cotton?  Yuh just don’t have a taste for music from the heart, that’s all.
     Yuh got yur guns all oiled up?  We may be in for a rip-roarin’ time with folks callin’ for an end to the police.  Do yuh know what will happen if they do away with the police?  Sorta contradictory, but we’ll end up with a police state.  Now, in muh studies of history, I have noticed that after any form of democracy there is a time of anarchy which will eventually turn into tyranny.  These imbeciles, oops that not politically correct these days, these twinkies are so dumb, however, more than ever I’m convinced that there is something more sinister behind it all.
     Don’t be spillin’ any more coffee!  Next time I’ll give yuh dishwater.  Fella with yur tastes wouldn’t know the difference nohow.  And no, I’m not a conpiracist, but I do believe that the devil and his demons are ultimately behind it all.  The spirit of antichrist is surely at work.  But don’t let that rile yur liver none, for the Lord has everything under control.  I’m a-thinkin’ that His appearin’ will be happenin’ shortly–be sure yur ready for that as well.
     Yuh watch where yur ride; check the signs around yuh and be a-watchin’ for hostiles.  Jist like the old days, Pard.  Oh, an’ one more thing, be checkin’ yur cinch.