Molly was doing better, she even walked down to the train station to see me off. She would still have dizzy spells, but not as often and she usually did okay as long as she moved slowly. The Doc had offered her a place to stay at his house, but since she was doing better she declined. Charlie Gold assured me that he would check in on her often. With all the recent turmoil, the Council had not appointed a new marshal, so Charlie was staying in Durango more often.
My plan was to find clues as to where Billy Denton might have taken off to. I told Molly to keep a sharp lookout for he might just show up back in Durango. He seemed the type that needed some security and would not venture away from places he knew. Then I planned to go to Santa Fe and question Billington. After that I’d come back to Durango, get Star and head out to Denver.
This trip seemed much longer than the last one. Of course, Molly was sitting next to me the last time I was down this way. Lots of things were going on in my mind and I couldn’t seem to focus on any one thing. The days were getting warmer and that didn’t help the comfort in traveling either.
When the train stopped at Chama I got off and walked the same route I did when the shooting took place. Standing in the same place, I shuddered thinking of how close this was to taking me out. Then I looked over to where Molly had been standing when she was shot. I dropped to my knees–there was that lack of focus. Thoughts swarmed all through my mind. What if I had lost her? Why was she shot? Thankfulness to the good Lord? Billington? Denton?
“Mister,” there was a soft voice close to me. “Mister, are you all right?”
It brought me back to reality. I must look downright silly there in the train station down on my knees. Looking toward the person speaking I saw a young woman. I nodded my head, then stood to my feet.
“Yes, ma’am. There was an attempted murder here a couple of weeks ago. I was just tryin’ to concentrate on the events an’ get them straight in my mind.”
She smiled and walked off. Glancing toward where Denton had been standing I walked there. I wasn’t expecting to find anything after two weeks but wanted to see things from his viewpoint. He and Billington were in this together. I grunted and thought, “Billy would be the one doin’ the back-shootin’.”
It was almost time for the train to pull out and I wanted a cup of coffee before I boarded. The prices on the train were ridiculous and the coffee, well, the dishwater at the Diner was stronger than the coffee they served aboard the train.
Fifteen minutes later, the train was chugging on down the rails toward Taos. I wanted to thank the doctor and nurse that took care of me and Molly. Unconsciously I shrugged my shoulders and could still feel the ache and stiffness. Seemed like it was taking longer for me to heal; might have something to do with getting older.
Before sitting down I looked through the coach. It was the same set of passengers that was on it before. Then I noticed, at the back of the coach was the young woman that spoke to me. We made eye contact. I sat down, and as I did a man walked through the door and sat across the aisle from the woman. He saw me immediately and gave a wide smile. It had been months since I had seen him; I should’ve figured he had to be around somewhere.
I tried to ignore his presence, but the thoughts flooded through my mind again. “What is he doin’ here? Is it to harass or is it time?” I had the seat to myself so I stretched out, pulled my hat down over my eyes as if to sleep. This was definitely no time for sleep, not with him in the car; this was time for prayer.
Month: May 2018
Echoes From the Campfire
Fire never dies till it has eaten away the substance of its own heart.”
–Ernest Haycox (The Feudists)
“Look here, you rich people: Weep and groan with anguish because of all the terrible troubles ahead of you. Your wealth is rotting away, and your fine clothes are moth-eaten rags. Your gold and silver are corroded. The very wealth you were counting on will eat away your flesh like fire…”
–James 5:1-3 (NLT)
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What Haycox said is so true. If man follows his own way it will sooner or later control him and consume him. Look at the cause of people’s death; it often is the result of their lifestyle. Just a couple of examples: the smoker–lung cancer, the consumer of alchohol–destruction of liver. With that in mind we should come to realize that God is in charge. Ask yourself this one question: what is the secret to your happiness? Hmmmm, I’m sure there were various answers.
One of the biggest cause of problems, anxieties, and depression come from the fact that we often choose roles for which we are not suited. I like what Stephen Brown says, “Almost all frustration and anxiety come from a refusal to be what one is. Frustration and anxiety are the result of playing a part other than the one you’ve been given.”
First of all, man was created to glorify God. Augustine said, “Thou hast created us for Thyself, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee.” When man realizes and does this “there is a sense of rightness, a sense of rest, a sense of reality that doesn’t come from any other source.” It is important to realize that you cannot glorify God and yourself at the same time. “It is the desire ‘to be’ God rather than to ‘worship’ God that creates an almost unbearable tension in the Christian.” (Brown) Meditate on the words of the Psalmist:
“Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
–Psalm 73:25-26 (NKJV)
Second, it is time to realize that you are not God, and you will never be God. Man will not and has never been autonomous no matter how much he desires to be so. You are not self-made. One of the worst songs from Frank Sinatra is “I Did It My Way”. No! Every life is controlled by a series of various unavoidable events, environments, and heriditary factors. No matter what happens in your life, God is there, whether you are a believer or not. He never relieves Himself of His responsibility.
There is therefore, a choice. You can get angry that you are not in control or you can submit to a sovereign God. We get caught in the thinking of “I have my rights!” No! Everything is God’s. There is a false belief that we have a right to everything good in the world. It is a shock to man to know that God really doesn’t need me, and He doesn’t need you. This hurts our ego for we have a great desire to be needed. Read Ecclesiastes, when we die, nothing is changed. God can run His universe without us.
Ponder these final words from Stephen Brown.
“Because there is a sovereign God, we have only three choices: We can ignore God, we can fight God, or we can submit to God. To ignore Him is foolish, to fight Him is silly, and to submit to Him is exciting.”
Coffee Percs
To have companionship, supper cooked to perfection, and coffee on the stove. Now that was something a man could look forward to.”
–Lynette Sowell (A Wedding for Belle)
Get yurself in here, pard. Grab a deep swig of coffee and sit yurself down. I don’t want yuh standin’ when I tell you this. This is actually beyond crazy; listen pard, there are some weird folks out there, beyond weird, in fact.
Ready? I read where this sex-expert, psychologist I reckon, from Australia, said that consent was needed to change a baby’s diaper. My mercy! How silly is that? She said you must ask “it”; ’cause it hasn’t had the chance to decide it’s gender if it wanted you to change it. Well, what can yuh expect with an “expert” who had purple hair.
Good thing I made the coffee strong this mornin’. I just couldn’t believe what I was readin’. But on to better thoughts. Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. I think it interestin’ that we have to have these special days for special people. A mother should be remembered more than once a year.
Now, take me, I had the privilege of three mothers. Yep, reckon the good Lord felt I needed three to keep me in line; that means I had six eyes on me. Of course there was my Mom, but she worked most of the time so I was raised primarily by my Aunt and Grandma, all who have gone on to be walkin’ with the Lord in heaven. I’ve made it through life, a few scrapes and scars, but for the most part unscathed. Guess you’ll have to decide if they did a decent job or not.
Here, let me fill that cup again. Then, they turned me over to Annie. So, if there’s much good in me it came from those four ladies. I must say this about the mother of my children and I guess it isn’t politically correct in today’s culture as is the quotation at the beginning, but you know how politically correct I am. This is a fact, a truism for sure:
“A man appreciates a woman who can make a good pie crust, doesn’t he…”
–Lynette Sowell (A Mirage on Snow)
So be nice to yur mother, and if yur goin’ to visit her, be sure and check yur cinch before headin’ out.
Echoes From the Campfire
The trouble with wandering that after a bit a man looks around and the horizons are still there. There are nameless canyons and rivers still unknown to man. But a mortal man is suddenly old. The dream is there still, but rheumatism and weakening strength rob him of the chance to go further.”
–Louis L’Amour (Over on the Dry Side)
“Even so, I have noticed one thing, at least, that is good. It is good for people to eat, drink, and enjoy their work under the sun during the short life God has given them, and to accept their lot in life.”
–Ecclesiastes 5:18 (NLT)
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Yep, it seems like the ol’ starter is starting harder. I am reminded of a truck I often drove the summer I worked landscaping for Nuzum Nurseries in Boulder. It was an old Ford and was back in the days where the starter was on the floor. It was a temperamental truck and it was very hard to start unless it was parked on a hill. Whenever I drove it I made sure I did that so then I could let it roll and clutch start it. That was about the only way to get it going–let it roll first.
Maybe that’s the way I am, roll me out of bed and pop the clutch and see if I start. Then I might shuffle in my ol’ worn out moccasin houseshoes out to make the coffee. I’ve heard that a sign of being old is when after you retire you wear out your first part of houseshoes. Hmmm, well these barely hang on my feet. What does that tell you?
There are some things I still want to get done. What’s the term they use now–bucket list? The horizon is still out there and there are many places to see. By the way, none of them are cities. The ol’ rheumatize is sittin’ in, or something else that is contrary to the ol’ bones. Sure don’t want to get caught out like the rancher in Waddie Mitchell’s poem.
“Dad-gum the luck, this dad-burn truck has up and broken down
A’way out here in no-wheresville at least ten miles from town,
And I’ll have to hike, cuz it ain’t like I’m apt to hitch a ride
This late at night, cuz folks that’s right are snuggled tight inside.”
–Waddie Mitchell
Ever seem to just have bad luck? Now don’t go blamin’ the devil; most of the time he didn’t do it. Most of the time whatever happened was due to us, or simply life having its way. Now, don’t get me wrong; the ol’ devil does try and tempt us at times, but mostly it is this world system that belongs to him that does it.
But the devil sure doesn’t want you to get by in this life. Remember that he wants to steal, not only your joy, but also your soul. He’ll use anything to destroy what the Lord has given you. Best advice for the day–don’t let him do it!
Have a grand weekend, treat your mom kindly!