The coffee was hot and strong, tasting mighty good right then.”
–D.C. Adkisson (Walker)
Pard, let me look yuh over before I serve yur coffee. From the looks of it, yur doin’ fine, no lumps on the noggin’, no crabs comin’ from the nose nor warts on it neither. Yur skin ain’t covered like those hostiles we used to fight. Overall, yur lookin’ fine. Here’s yur brew, hot, strong, an’ mighty tasty. Yuh know, there’s jist some days when it seems to be tastin’ extra special. ‘Course at my age, every day makes it taste special, ’cause it’s another day to be a-tastin’.
There’s been lots of talk ’bout them UFOs lately. Now, they don’t bother me none. The reason bein’ the Lord is in control of the whole, entire, complete universe! But I want to know about the UMOs. Yuh know them two-legged creatures movin’ ’round lookin’ like they got themselves all tie-dyed. Yuh know, hair’s a many colored facet, with rings or crab claws comin’ from the nostril. Some with pins, some with safety pins, some with rivets, and huge ol’ washers that we used to put in the garden hose. Why, I remember the missionaries when they came to church would show pictures of those monstrosities in peoples’ ears and such. My mercy, Pard, the ones we would send missionaries to preach the gospel to look better than what we see on the streets of America.
Ahhh, the coffee’s good, makes the soul soothe out some. Pard, let me be continuin’ my tirade. Some say that clothes don’t make the person, an’ don’t be a-judgin’. I’ve done my share of interviews over the years… An’ I’ll tell yuh flat out, they don’t make the person, but they shore ‘nough often reflect what’s inside. Yuh dress and make yurself up weird, there’s a reason for it. They look in the mirror an’ think they’re beautiful; well, we know that the Lord will send a strong delusion. My lands, ol’ Barnum and others with their “freak” shows would go broke today. Jist walk down the streets, or go into a WalMart. There’ scary folk around, then add to it all the other crazies wantin’ to maim, kill, hurt, and want rights that they’re not entitled to. Some folk think they can do what they want–doin’ right in their own eyes. Why, Pard, the ignorant mayor of Chicago, that foreign city, made the statement, “Arresting Black people for robbery, drugs, rage, violence, and murder by putting them in prison is racism. Plain and simple. Prison is not the answer. Freedom is.” What in the world is he thinkin’? Let them run free to do more mayhem and harm? Racism? If they don’t go to prison, and folks sure don’t want them walkin’ the streets, what’s left…?
Common sense ain’t so common anymore, an’ Pard, I’m fearin’ it’s not comin’ back anytime soon. Normality, well, it’s all relative so I reckon society will not be seein’ normal again. Folks we’re in a sure ‘nough dilemma. Tighten yur cinches ’cause yuh never know what’s gonna go on ’round you. The ol’ devil is sneaky. Sometime’s he’s a-stalkin’ yuh, other times he’s right on top of yuh like a roarin’ lion, and other times he’s a-layin’ down those traps and snares that’ll grab yuh like jumpin’ cholla.
Well, the pot’s empty an’ I didn’t get to tell yuh anything about Memorial Day. Yuh be sure to take time to remember those who sacrificed to keep this country free, and even those UMOs can walk the streets because of their sacrifice. If’n yur grilliin’ hamburgers and hotdogs, be safe, don’t catch on fire, nor eat too many, or slop the ketchup on yur shirt. If’n yur smokin’ a brisket be sure yuh don’t let it get overdone. Sit tall in the saddle, it’s important yuh hold yurself straight an’ steady. Be wary, ’cause the ol’ devil ain’t gonna let up on yuh. Have a good Memorial Day.
Vaya con Dios.