He lifted the blue enameled coffee pot from the top of the pot-bellied stove. ‘Coffee is all I have. But it’s hot and it’s good in this cold weather.’ He poured coffee in three tin cups.”
–Vivian Sinclair (A Western Christmas)
Pard, come in this kitchen an’ tell me it ain’t true. Give me the low down, I can handle it, but let me put the pot back on the stove and sit myself down first. Did I hear right, yuh partook of some eggnog cino? Oh mercy me, tell me it ain’t so. What do yuh mean, it was only a little sip? A little sip of cyanide would be as bad. Pard, yuh come along way, an’ then yuh up and do this. Yur not goin’ over to the cino crowd are yuh? Those yuppies who prance around tip-toein’ through life not realizin’ that life is a battle, a fight, an’ yuh have to be ready to face it, not be drinkin’ eggnog cinos.
Pard, come in this kitchen an’ tell me it ain’t true. Give me the low down, I can handle it, but let me put the pot back on the stove and sit myself down first. Did I hear right, yuh partook of some eggnog cino? Oh mercy me, tell me it ain’t so. What do yuh mean, it was only a little sip? A little sip of cyanide would be as bad. Pard, yuh come along way, an’ then yuh up and do this. Yur not goin’ over to the cino crowd are yuh? Those yuppies who prance around tip-toein’ through life not realizin’ that life is a battle, a fight, an’ yuh have to be ready to face it, not be drinkin’ eggnog cinos.
Here, take this cup, it’ll wash down that cravin’ and get yuh back on the right track. Good strong, black coffee, just the way that nature intended. Wish I had some camp coffee, that would make it even better. Pard, I’m glad it was only a sip. But a sip here, a sip there and soon yur a-sippin’ all the time. And if’n yur-a doin’ that, well, it means yur no longer just sippin’ but guzzlin’.
Pard, yuh start with one slip then yuh’ll soon be dyin’ yur hair blue or chartreuse. If’n yuh don’t watch out, yuh’ll become like the rest of what that ol’ puncher Rhodes called
“rhomboidinaltitudinous isosohedronal catawampus!” Now that’s sayin’ somethin’ an’ it’s a mouthful, but it’s a-describin’ some of them vomit-spewin’ liberals. I don’t want yuh to be like what someone wrote about those liberals who can’t identify a woman, a criminal, a peaceful protest, dementia, or which bathroom to use, but they can identify a fishing boat when they see one. Listen Pard, the world is confused enough to not be drinkin’ any concocption such as eggnog cino. Why, Pard, that’ll make yuh forget to check yur cinch, and I’ll go out an’ find yuh a-lyin’ in the mud somewhere’s.
“rhomboidinaltitudinous isosohedronal catawampus!” Now that’s sayin’ somethin’ an’ it’s a mouthful, but it’s a-describin’ some of them vomit-spewin’ liberals. I don’t want yuh to be like what someone wrote about those liberals who can’t identify a woman, a criminal, a peaceful protest, dementia, or which bathroom to use, but they can identify a fishing boat when they see one. Listen Pard, the world is confused enough to not be drinkin’ any concocption such as eggnog cino. Why, Pard, that’ll make yuh forget to check yur cinch, and I’ll go out an’ find yuh a-lyin’ in the mud somewhere’s.
Keep goin’ straight, upward an’ onward. Don’t be lettin’ the ol’ world be teasin’ yuh with their spew but ride straight and true. Keep to the words of the Good Book, and don’t falter in yur faith. Let me be tellin’ yuh, the Lord is comin’ soon. Yuh stay alert, ready, and watch not only the trail, but the skies for His return. Now come, next week, I don’t to be hearin’ yuh tell me that yuh had eggnog cino. If’n yuh want to drink straight eggnog that’s one thing, but don’t be a-mixin’ it with the true elixir. An’ I don’t want to be hearin’ that someone had to be pickin’ yuh up ’cause yuh didn’t check yur cinch. See, this life is rough at times, and we must be alert and doin’ right.
Vaya con Dios.