Coffee Percs

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

Have you crawled out of your bedroll in the chill of a spring
morning with the crisp air fresh in your lungs and the sound of
running water in your ears? Have started a fire and made coffee, and
broiled your venison over an open fire? Have you smelled ironwood
burning, or cedar?”
                   –Louis L’Amour  (To Tame a Land)

Ahh, Pard, listen to that sound.  No, it’s not a babblin’ brook, yuh
ninny.  That’s the sound of pure delight–the sound of coffee perkin’.
But since yuh mentioned it, the sound water cascadin’ over rocks in a
stream does have a nice sound.  I remember, it was early in the 1970s,
Annie and I hiked back into the Indian Peaks Wilderness and camped
along a stream flowing from a snowbank.  The water actually came from
Blue Lake, but it appeared to be right from the snow.  The elevation
dropped quickly so the water rushed down.  Our camp was right at
timberline, plenty of wood there, and we stayed for a few days.
      It was a fun trip, but I was always accused of puttin’ the
fryin’ pan in Annie’s pack.  However, those days are gone.  To camp
fifty yards off the trail is unheard of today, and to make a fire, oh
my, for goodness sakes, NO!  Use a back-packin’ stove.  Now, Pard,
I’ll admit that there are good reasons for the restrictions; it’s
because of the stupidity of people who camp.  People who have no clue
how to treat nature properly.
      Those nights, around the campfire at timberline we could hear
the water rushing by a few yards away.  In the silence of the night,
with only the fire for light, we could hear the marmots cry as the
wood crackled and popped in the fire.  Pard, we had plenty of good,
strong coffee made right from that rushin’ stream.  I’d get up in the
mornin’, get the fire goin’, then go to the stream for water to fill
the pot.  Before long the coffee was boilin’ then Annie would start
breakfast.  Days, long ago, but still held in the memory.
      Good days, Pard, good memories, but yuh know, those things
won’t matter much when we get on over that Glory Trail.  There is
little description of what heaven will be like, but if it’s anything
like that garden God placed in Eden it’ll be somethin’.  It’ll have to
be grand to match up with some of the majestic places here on earth.
But we know it will be so, for the Bible says that, “the eye have not
seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the
things which God hath prepared from them that love Him.”
      Think of that Pard!  No matter how good the bacon and biscuits
smell, no matter the sound of coffee perkin’, we can’t even imagine
what the Lord has prepared for us.  It must be somethin’ special;
well, of course it is.  Think ’bout it Pard, yuh won’t have to worry
’bout checkin’ yur cinch up yonder.
        Vaya con Dios.

 

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

It didn’t seem strange to anyone that even on scorching hot days, people liked their coffee hot.”

                    –J.S. Stroud  (The Old Rider)
 
My mercy, Pard, it’s the hottest it can be this side of Hades.  It almost makes me want to try some of that there iced coffee.  Notice I said, almost.  I tasted some that one of my granddaughters had.  ‘Tweren’t too bad, at least they weren’t passin’ it off as coffee, but some kinda concoction with coffee added.  So if’n yuh ask  me for some ice, I jist might throw it on yur face, or down yur neck.  Nope, sure won’t do that; yuh might like it too much.
       I was doin’ some readin’ an’ I found out that these here “cinos” and other coffees aren’t new.  ‘Course they’re always tryin’ some new fangled thing out there hopin’ to hook someone and make money.  They’re jist not tryin’ to appease yur tastebuds.  But way back, even before yur time, Maxwell House tried a refrigerated liquid coffee concentrate.  Didn’ catch on.  But Pard, that didn’t end it.  Following Maxwell House’s attempt there came good ol’ Coca-Cola came out with Georgia Coffee, a cold drink.  Followed by Nestle’s Nescafe Mocha Cooler, and that was soon followed by Chock O’Cinno from Chock full o’ Nuts.  There was another one called the Cappuccino Cooler.  Whooeee Pard, my ol’ tastebuds are doin’ flipflops in my mouth, sure hope I don’t gag.
       Maybe the woman at the well was makin’ cinos when she was drawin’ water.  Yuh know the story, Jesus approached her an’ asked her to draw water for Him.  Now, I’ll have to admit this, Jesus wasn’t there to make a little fire an’ brew some coffee with the water she drew for Him.  Fact is, an’ it’s a sad fact, at that time in history there weren’t no such thing as drinkin’ coffee, so don’t yuh go makin’ up a story that the disciples were out somewhere on a coffee break.  Jesus told her that drinkin’ from this water from the well, she’d get thirsty again.  He said that He had water that would become a spring in them gushing up to eternal life.  Boy howdy, that was something that woman wanted.  It was not coffee-makin’ water, but eternal life givin’ water.  Yuh know something else, when I read that story, I don’t see where Jesus ever drank the water from that well.  Ponder that, Pard.
       Another hot week is prescribed by those weather sooth-sayers.  Yuh do yur best to stay cool.  Don’t go out ridin’ too much or with all this heat it might affect yur noggin’ and yuh might forget to check yur cinch.
        Vaya con Dios.

 

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

He warned us about the coffee, ‘Don’t get any of it on your clothes. Been known to eat holes in bat-wing chaps.’”

                    –J. Lee Butts  (Lawdog)
 
Come on over to the stove, Pard, while I pour yur coffee.  I want to check yuh over a little more closely.  Now, I’ve known yuh for several years, but with all the hubbub in Congress I think I need to see yuh from this new perspective.  I always thought the lumps on yur noggin was from not checkin’ yur cinch and fallin’ off yur horse, but some of them aliens or, “nonhuman biologics” are pretty lumpy from the photos I’ve seen.  Let’s see, yur not from another galazy…  I did read that there was a book with the title that men were from Mars.  Nah, yuh ain’t red enough.
       There have actually been found some ET pilots on earth.  In fact, the testimony to Congress notes that the U.S. recovered non-human biological pilots from crashed crafts.  My mercy, Pard, I sure hope my .44 has enough stoppin’ power should they seek refuge in my cottage.  Wonder how much that cost the taxpayers to hold those hearin’s and kept them from doin’ their jobs.
       Let’s see, hmmm, cover up for what?  Hunter’s arrest and hearin’s.  And we’re still waitin’ for somethin’ to happen with Epstein’s list.  Or is it something else they’re drawin’ attention from?   Pard, has you ever been in contact with one of them there aliens?  Perhaps ol’ Joe has been talkin’ to them.  It might make some sense in his antics.  I even saw where one person said that we need to do away with some people to make room for those funny-lookin’, nonhuman guys to survive on earth.  Duh, get rid of some to make room for strange aliens?  Yuh know, I think we’ve become more than stupid.
       Does that coffee taste strange?  Maybe there’s some stardust in it, or perhaps a moonbeam passed over the beans last night.  Whooooeeee, talk about the twilight zone.  ‘Course we always knew there were strange folk walkin’ around the halls of Congress.  Take a fresh look at some of them politikin’ folk.  Schiff…yep, there’s a good choice.  Pard, yuh best be carryin’ yur Matel zapper along with yur pistol.  
       Is this the answer that they’re lookin’ for when the Lord has the trumpet blown?  An untold number of us folk down here will disappear into the clouds.  How will that be explained?  Well, let me tell yuh Pard, I’m gonna sit here and sip my coffee and if’n any of those funny-lookin’ fellows come by, I might offer them a cup whether they be alien, nonhuman biologics, or zombies.  ‘Course I’ll keep my pistol at hand.  
       Yuh keep yur eye on the horizon, but with all of this hoodoo yuh might want to look up now and again.  Nah, I don’t mean for those space ships, but the comin’ of the Lord.
Check that cinch, yuh don’t need any more lumps on yur noggin’, one of them there Congressfolk might mistake yuh for one of them nonhumans.
       Vaya con Dios.

 

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

Another sip sent a fresh wave of pleasure through her. Coffee had to be one of God’s greatest gifts to humankind.” 

                    –Lorna Seilstad (When Love Calls)
 
Yippi-yay, Pard, it’s gonna be a good day.  The birds are a-singin’, the crows are cawin’, the sun is shinin’ bright, and the coffee’s done been perked.  Come on in, my, ain’t what that gal said the truth?  Ahh, coffee–one of God’s greatest gifts.  Simple pleasure to enjoy with yuh or by myself.  A person just needs to have a “yeehaw” down in their soul, ‘specially if they’ve gone passed their allotted days on this earth.  Yeehaw!  Powder River, let ‘er buck–another day to add.
       Had some trouble with the ol’ Google.  Said my account was closed due to inactivity.  Makes a body wonder what’s goin’ on.  All of this new fancy technology an’ there’s always a glitch of some sort.  Good thing that doesn’t happen with the Lord.  Don’t have to worry about any glitches, crashes, or viruses with Him.
       Finish yur cup, there’s more in the pot.  Pard, I saw this advertisement on facebook the other day, and it sorta made me chuckle.  It was from that famous preacher-man, David Jeremiah.  Now, don’t go gettin’ me wrong, I think he’s a pretty good one.  But let me continue after I take a sip.  Here’s the advertisement.  “5 Weeks to be Rapture Ready”  Ha, ha,–what happens if the Rapture takes place on Monday?  Yuh just can’t tell the Lord to hold off ’til yuh finish the course.  Now, I understand the purpose is for a church study lesson.  It just struck me funny–why Pard, yuh better already be Rapture Ready!  It could happen at any time.  Look at the craziness, the foolishness, and the evil lurkin’ in the world.  Yuh shore better be Rapture Ready.
       Pard, yuh think it’s bad here now, just wait ’til that Rapture occurs.  Whooeeee, them four horsemen are gonna ride roughshod over the earth.  Then add to that the Seal, Trumpets, and Bowls that are gonna happen.  Ain’t gonna be a pretty sight.  Why I reckon the good Lord might even cause all the coffee beans to dry up on the bushes.
       Yuh be takin’ care Pard.  Be sure yuh are Rapture Ready, and that yuh don’t go sooner ’cause yuh forgot to check yur cinch.
        Vaya con Dios.