The milk would only curdle.’ She made a face at him, and moved to put the coffeepot back on the stove.”
–Luke Short (Donovan’s Gun)
Mornin’ to yuh, Pard. Come on in, grab yur mug, and… no, not yur face yuh fool, the cup in the cabinet. Don’t try to be funny with me this mornin’. Speakin’ of bein’ funny, remember those days of watchin’ Looney Tunes? Then there was that ol’ peckerwood–Woody with his laugh. Those were funny so don’t yuh be tryin’ to do the same. Why, there’s plenty of cacklin’, howlin’ bureaucrats that have already beat yuh to it.
Now to be polite, I won’t mention no names, but there’s one high-up guy who said ICE would be able to remove “tens of billions of people” from voter rolls if a certain law was passed. Now, I can’t count that high myself, I run out of fingers an’ toes, but I know we don’t have billions of people in this country. Or how ’bout this one from Minneysota. A lawmaker has requested a study on the “benefits of shoplifting.” Hmmm, ponder that, ‘specially if yur a store owner or manager. Shoplifting has its benefits? Guess it depends if’n yur lookin’ at it from the perspective of the lifter. Then there’s the male equivalent of Mad Max who proclaimed, “We’re not celebrating America’s 250th birthday. We worked 246 years and never got paid.” Go ahead, an’ ponder that one as well. Makes me wonder how much is in his bank account.
Watcha doin’ lookin’ in yur cup? Don’t yuh be worryin’ none. That coffee won’t make yur gizzard frown, nor yur innards curdle. But maybe if’n I make it a little stronger, folks will go ‘way from makin’ cinos. Lattes? Yuh like moo-juice in yur coffee sayin’ it soothes the stomach? Pard, yuh ain’t talkin’ sense. But I do remember when I was a homesteadin’ back in Louisiana they had something called, cafe au-lait that was drinkable for dessert.
But back to the new form of looney-tunes. They must be havin’ tryouts or something ’cause everytime yuh look at the news there’s someone spoutin’ the comedic phrases. What was it the ol’ apostle said, Claimin’ to be wise, they became fools…!” Can folk be so willfully blind that they can’t see how foolish their words and actions are? My mercy, honestly an’ seriously, they are not funny. More like vomit-fodder. Their words and actions are downright shameful, an’ it’s scary. Scary for this country right now, why I saw they’re havin’ a funeral for the Iranian tyrant that was killed tryin’ to make him a martyr. Scary for the person, for one day they’re gonna have to bow before the Almighty King of the Universe, an’ let me be tellin’ yuh this, that won’t be a pleasant experience for them.
As my ol’ Grandma would say, “Lord, help us through the jungles!” We surely need His help, strength, an’ guidance in this ol’ world in which we live. Pard, it won’t be my coffee makin’ the cream in yur gizzard curl, it’ll be the foolishness of those bureaucrats. Yuh be havin’ a good week. An’ don’t make me shake my head at yur foolishness, don’t be one of them cartoon characters we see in the news–check yur cinch. Surely they didn’t ’cause we see evidence that they musta fallen on their ol’ coconut several times.
Vaya con Dios.