–Ernest Haycox  (Trouble Shooter)

  

     Go ‘head an’ take a sip.  It’ll tickle yur tonsils and sooth yur gizzard, an’ mite even make yur liver smile.  It’s the real thing, unadulterated, pure delight and delicious brew.  It might not be strong enough to float a rail, but it’ll sure satisfy.  Nothin’ artificial or fake with my coffee, no siree, strong and black and hot.  There’s too much fake stuff goin’ on out there, so I want to make sure my Pard is getting the real thing.

     I’ve noticed the emphasis goin’ to that AI thing out there.  Whenever I google somethin’ the first thing that pops up is AI.  Pard, I don’t know where all of this is goin’ but I don’t like the feel of it.  Progress, maybe, but progressin’ to where?  The Pit maybe.  Another openin’ for that man of lawlessness to use.  Why sooner or later, whatever AI says is goin’ to be the truth, ‘specially if that’s all there is.

     Artificial intelligence, why I’ve seen that for many years.  Jist take a look see at Congress–plenty of artificial intelligence there, an’ even here in Austin, my mercy, there some kooks runnin’ ’round givin’ the impression of intelligence, but once they open their mouths, why yuh see the fakeness come a-pourin’ out.  Pard, let me tell yuh that there are many in our education system that are full of that there artificial intelligence.  Why history has proven that socialism doesn’t work, yet they keep pourin’ it out there like gravy to be sopped up.  What was it that ol’ seer of the Bible was a-sayin’?  Yep, it was Daniel, and he said that people would be rushin’ hither and thither, gainin’ more an’ more knowledge.  But he stopped there, he didn’t say they would have a lick of common sense, or that they would fear the Lord.  No, they’d be wantin’ to be a-gettin’ all they could for themselves, and I might ask, as whose expense?

     I see that smile, yuh know what I’m a-sayin’.  Coffee reminds yuh of the real life, so strong an’ bold.  Nothin’ artificial ’bout my coffee.  Why first they threw the cinos at us, soon it’ll be fake or AI coffee.  Why, Pard, jist the other day I went down to the grocery to buy a can of pork ‘n’ beans and saw on the can that some of the ingredients was bio-engineered, and Pard if’n yuh don’t know what that means, it means fake.  An’ I hear tell there’s fake meat out there as well.  Bad enough people passin’ tofu out sayin’ it’s meat.  Gates and a lot of other folks want yuh to be jist a-beggin’ for that man of lawlessness to be appearin’.  Well, let me tell yuh, Pard, when he does show up an’ begins to pass out his agenda the folks will see that there won’t be nothin’ artificial ’bout it.  It’ll be a terrible time.  

     An’ Pard, whilst yuh drain the pot dry, let me be tellin’ yuh one more thing.  I’m a-thinkin’ an’ I’m a-seein’ some of that AI in the churches today.  Some of them so-called preachers are spewin’ forth an artificial doctrine.  Whooee, the days are a-comin’ when the earth is goin’ to be full of darkness; the spiritual light will be gone.  Hang on tight ’til then, Pard.  Don’t be takin’ no artificial gospel, nor drinkin’ no artificial coffee.  Grasp holt of the real thing and ride it on through to glory.  Yeehaw, Pard, the Lord’s a-comin’ back so yuh better be makin’ sure that yur spiritual cinch is tight an’ ready!

    Vaya con Dios.

                    –D.C. Adkisson  (Outlaws of Boulder Canyon)

 

Glad yuh made it safe this mornin’, Pard.  There’s crazies out there on the road.  Why, just the other day, I was comin’ down towards Indian Creek on the curvy road and comin’ towards me was one of them lunatic drivers.  Yep, right at me, on the bridge, on my side of the road.  I pulled up on the ol’ steel mount, an’ I don’t know whether she was sleepin’, textin’, or jist bein’ plain obnoxious, but she saw me and got over jist in time.  Yep, Pard, plenty of crazies out there.

     Yuh put the crazies out there, along with the fruitcakes and the cupcakes and yuh have yurself a mess.  Yep, Pard, I’m a-tellin’ it to yuh straight–a mess.  Why Pard, jist the other day I read where the former President of these here United States was urgin’ men to have gay friends.  My mercy… He said that men need them as role models for their kids.  Pard, that’s an abomination an’ other things too; jist plain sick!  Makes me wonder how much longer.  Role models!!  What ever happened to the Lone Ranger?  Guess he rode off and stayed “lone.”

     That’s a good enough reason to not be drinkin’ those cinos.  Give me some strong, hot, black coffee, no matter the weather.  Why, Pard, yuh start waterin’ down yur coffee, addin’ a little of this and a little of that, well, what I’m a-sayin’ is that yuh might start to be waterin’ down yur believin’ as well.  Speakin’ of coffee, how’s that taste this mornin’?  Good, it’s makes the ol’ gizzard want to start singin’ a song.

     There’s enough bein’ said ’bout toxic masculinity.  Why, Pard, I remember when men were men an’ women were glad of it.  Now, accordin’ to the former President of these United States, he’s wantin’ men to uplift men who wear lace.  Listen, Pard, and listen straight–don’t ever forget that every minute of this life we’re in a war.  The devil don’t take no vacations from tryin’ to gather in yur souls to his outfit, or break yuh apart wantin’ to make yuh no use to the Lord’s.  Ride for the brand of the Lord and keep all yur weapons ready, oiled, and loaded.  Yuh never know when yuh might come face to face with one of them spiritual ogres.  But then don’t yuh be forgettin’ them little imps that come at yuh from all directions durin’ the day.  Pard, the fight don’t ever stop, so yuh can’t ever be lettin’ down yur guard.

     “Nough said, this mornin’, ‘sides the coffeepot has done gone dry.  I know yuh want to be on yur way ‘fore I ask yuh to wash the pot.  Jist throw the dregs in the sink, I’ll take care of it, an’ yuh can be sure yur cup will be clean for our next visit.  Yuh be ridin’ tall in the saddle, alert and wary…an’ along with that be sure an’ check yur cinch.

     Vaya con Dios.

                     –Ernest Haycox  (Free Grass)

 

Ol’ Ernie hasn’t nothin’ on me, come in this kitchen, Pard, an’ my coffee will do more than warm up yur gizzard; it’ll plumb tickle it happy.  That’s the way to start the day, strong coffee and readin’ from the Good Book.  As it seems the days are gettin’ more ‘n’ more evil, it’s more important than ever that we be fillin’ our soul with God’s Word.  If’n we’re not careful we’ll be gettin’ ourselves caught up with all the doin’s and goin’s on in the news and the ol’ gizzard along with other innards can easily get riled.  Pard, yuh got to stay in the Book, don’t be a-strayin’ from it.

     Read a story the other day, one that I had heard before.  I don’t recall who was in it, maybe the worker’s name was Bob, or Peewee.  Nah, think the supervisor was Bob; Peewee was shootin’ marbles, he didn’t do much work.  He was ’bout as useless as ol’ Fig Newton was.  Real person, yuh don’t remember him?  I’ll tell yuh, he was some character…I don’t think he ever made it out of the 8th grade, but then that’s another story.

     I want to tell yuh ’bout this lackey who was workin’ for Bob.  He was charged with painting the lines down the middle of the road.  That first day, he did quite the job, finished three miles which was a mite good havin’ to dodge cars.  Why I’ve seen evil men run right after animals that cross the road jist for their kicks…but that’s another story as well.  Day two rolls along, he mustn’t had good coffee for he finished only two miles that day.  But then, the third day came ’round.  Ol’ Bob called this yungster in after the work day was through ’cause he only finished one mile that day.  Bob asked him why his work had dropped so tremendously, at first he thought some fellow might have run him over.  “You started out so well, why has your work dropped off so badly?” questioned Bob, all the time lookin’ him over for bumps or bruises.

     The worker gave a little shrug, “Well, I keep gettin’ farther and farther away from the paint bucket.”  True story, well, at least that’s what I’ve been tolt.  But ain’t it like some of the workers today, not a lick of sense.  Mediocrity, yuh’ve seen it plenty.  But more and more it’s gettin’ to be true of the truth of the Word of God.  Further and further away from the bucket of truth.  The walk is slowed down, and the lines might even be some crooked.  Pard, I won’t blame it on not havin’ some good, strong coffee in the mornin’ and throughout the day–maybe the guy was drinkin’ those cinos.  But the reality of it is that when we start to strayin’ from the source–God’s Word–we can get ourselves in a mess of trouble real quick-like and not even be a-realizin’ it.  Why Pard, if’n that yungster doin’ the paintin’ wasn’t careful he might have got some color mixed in with that road paint.  ‘Magine drivin’ down the road followin’ pink paint, or that there chartreuse.

     Well, I see yur weren’t shy with the coffee this mornin’ as it’s all gone.  Yuh be makin’ yur lines straight, don’t be a-weavin’ and wanderin’ about.  Keep on that straight and narrow glory road.  Pard, onward and upward…that’s what it takes.  An’ let me tell yuh, part of it is always checkin’ back on the Good Book; it’s like checkin’ yur cinch when yuh mount, it’ll help keep yuh in the saddle when the goin’ gets rough.

     Vaya con Dios.

 

Here we are again, Pard.  A day the Lord has made, good strong coffee, and a friend to start it off.  Oh, Talleyrand?  Well, Pard, he was one of them “frogs” from years gone by.  I jist thought I’d add some sophistication to our conversation.  One thing ’bout ol’ Talley–he was a survivor.  Yep, made it through that there French Revolution, and yuh talk ’bout liberal thinkin’, the Reign of Terror, Napoleon’s reign, and was at the Congress of Vienna after ol’ Nap was exiled.  I’m sure he was a bonafide conniver of the first order.

     Ahhh, good coffee.  With all the happenin’s of the past week, yuh jist gotta enjoy what yuh have whilst yuh have it.  I think it was James Michener, who by the way migrated to Texas, who said, “War makes good men better and bad men worse.”  In other words, it brings out the best and worst in men.  Pard, with the devastation that’s been happenin’ an’ especially here in Texas we’re a-seein’ that.  Tragedy brings out the best in men and also the worst.  People are doin’ all kinds of good in the aftermath of that terrible floodin’ that took place.  People are givin’, donatin’, and jist a-gettin’ out an’ workin’.

     Yeah, but Pard, there are those jerks, usin’ this catastrophe for political means, for evil, for lyin’ and tryin’ to get their agenda followed.  Some of them are public officials who ought to be jerked by their suspenders an’ thrown on their can out in the street.  Blame throwin’ and outright lyin’, whilst not carin’ ’bout those who died nor their families.  That’s outright evil.  An’ leave it to the media, those loud-mouthed liars whose father is the devil himself.  Instead of soothin’, they’re a-throwin’ gasoline on the fire just to be gigglin’ at the flare up.  Fools!

     Now, Pard, I’ll admit there are some good folk in the media, but for some reason their voice ain’t as loud.  Add to that the anti-law, those lawless people who are attackin’ our policemen, federal agents, and border control.  I hand it to them, they’ve got the patience of an oyster.  Lawlessness–Pard, there’s comin’ a day when the “man of lawlessness” will be takin’ over.  Sure glad I’ll be up eatin’ at that glorified supper in heaven.  It’s a-goin’ to be chaos down here on earth when that’s a-takin’ place.

     Until then, Pard, we’ll go onward and upward ev’ry day.  Enjoyin’ our coffee when we can, stayin’ alert always, and bein’ the good folk that the Lord intends us to be whilst we wait His comin’.  Yuh ride straight an’ sit yur saddle tall, an’ if’n yuh do that yuh most likely won’t forget to keep yur Bible near, yur gun oiled and loaded, and checkin’ yur cinch.

     Vaya con Dios.