Coffee Percs

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

I poured. He took a long swig. ‘This coffee is horrid,’ he proclaimed. ‘You gotta be alive to taste.’”

                    –A.K. Vyas  (Dodge City)
 
Mornin’, Pard.  Yuh know if’n it ain’t one thing it’s the other.  Least wise my coffee ain’t horrid; it’s more delectable.  Makes yur taste buds howl in delight an’ yur ol’ gizzard starts to growl.  Hope yur doin’ well this Saturday.  
     Ahhh, this is good.  Finished the first rounds of appointments with the sawbones.  Round one went well.  My mercy, it seems that I almost find myself comin’ and goin’ to the doc’s office.  Least, I’m able to come and go, better than some folks I know.  I reckon I’m in pretty good shape for the shape I’m in, and that’s a fact.
     Gonna be celebratin’ Fathers’ Day today.  Some roastin’ ears, throw some steaks on the grill, an’ I think that Annie is makin’ a coconut cream pie.  Now, yuh put the three together and that’s a reason to be shoutin’ over.  I didn’t mention greens, but most likely some will show up.  Whooeee, I remember that day well, back in April of ’74 when I became a father.  The thought process changed for sure.  It became a solemn obligation before the Lord to raise her up right.  Now that, Pard, is a real responsibility.
     With the Lord’s help and plenty from my wife, both the girls have grown up to be stalwart in their walk with the Lord.  That’s always the main thing!  This day, there is so much evil around seekin’ to devour the souls of the younguns.  A father and mother have to constantly guard, and not get wearisome in their doin’ so the minds and actions of their kids.  Why Pard, an’ take a deep swaller ‘fore I tell yuh this.  Ready?  This is a quotation, “Disney’s latest Star Wars show ‘The Acolyte! features black lesbian space witches creating babies using the Force.”  Sick, depraved–yuh add that along with the drag queens readin’ to kids in schools and libraries–well, Pard, just how much will the Lord stand for?
     I’ll be lettin’ yuh go Pard.  I’ve got to get the wood ready, an’ then the fire started.  Always like to use a wood fire to cook steaks over if possible.  I like that edge seared and the steak medium rare.  Say, I ought to be a-closin’ with that poem on steaks, by Vance Wampler.
               Here’s to that steak
               Thick and juicy and sizzlin’
               Cooked in the camp tent
               When the weather was drizzlin’
               With scaldin’ black coffee
               Ate that steak with my knife.
               Now…what’s better in life?
Dad’s yuh be havin’ a good day.  An’ don’t forget the advice from this ol’ fence post–check yur cinch.  That’s includes raisin’ yur kids right–cinch them up.
          Vaya con Dios.

 

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

In a little while the chips were glowing and throwing off heat enough to boil coffee and fry bacon… He leaned back and savored a second cup of coffee. ‘This is the life we was born for.’”

                    –Elmer Kelton  (Six-Bits A Day)
 
“From this valley they say…” come in this kitchen, Pard, I was just hummin’ up a mournful tune ’bout a gal leavin’ the country.  Those ol’ cowpokes sure had a lonely life out there herdin’ them bovines.  ‘Course, loneliness comes in all sorts of ways.  Why I’ve known folk to be lonely in New York City with all them people a movin’ ’bout.  “Course yuh can’t talk to none of them, they might think yuh were gonna rob them or at the least harass them.  Hmpf, some of them need some harassin’ that’s for plumb sure.
     Here yuh go, Pard.  I know that’s why yuh came by for this cup of pure deeelight.  Watch it for it’s mighty hot, but blow on it a bit and when yuh go to swaller it yur ol’ gizzard will be plumb tickled.  It’ll help yuh see yur way through all the foolishness that’s a-goin’ on ’round us.  Why, listen to this that happened just a week ago.  A police chaplain ended his prayer “in Jesus’ name.”  Quite fittin’ for a preacher don’t yuh think?  
     Well, the powers that be, wrote the chaplain a letter rebukin’ him, an’ tellin’ him to never do that again.  Here we have a preacher of the gospel of Jesus Christ bein’ warned not to use the name of Jesus in his prayers.  Now is that absurd or not?  Take a deep lingerin’ sip for what comes next we’ll get yuh riles if’n yur not prepared.  This here chaplain was informed that utterin’ the name of Jesus was, an’ I’m goin’ quote direct, so hold on.  It would be “considered harassment, created a hostile work environment, and lifted one religion above another.”  Now how ’bout them apples?  They were told they could pray using any other name for God, but the “specific use of ‘Jesus’ would not be permitted going forward.”
     If’n that don’t cause the gall to rise up in yur stomach!  In the name of Allah would be alright, or in the name of Buddha, or in the name of Hoo-Doo, but oh no, not in the name above all names–Jesus!  Took place in, yuh guessed it, California.  But it could happen most anywheres.  Folks ain’t fearin’ the Lord no more.  An’ I’m talkin’ ’bout a healthy fear, not no shakin’ fear, but that’s probably what’s needs to happen.  The Lord just grabbin’ them by the scruff of the neck and givin’ them a good shake tellin’ them to now listen here…
     Haven’t hear nothin’ else ’bout the matter, but it sure is something to be sure.  Pard, I think that ol’ city manager has done fell on his noggin’ too many times.  There ain’t a lick of sense left.  Let’s finish this pot, for there’s plenty to be done the rest of the day.  Glad yuh stopped by…an’ I know I don’t have to be a-tellin’ yuh–check yur cinch or yuh might end up with nothin’ left in yur noggin’ like that feller.
       Vaya con Dios.

 

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

There’s always been a light shining out of the window from dark till dawn. After regular hours any passing rider might enter and help himself of the coffee pot warming on the kitchen stove.”

                      –Ernest Haycox  (Wipe Out the Brierlys)
 
Mornin’ to yuh, Pard.  Still got yur galoshes on I see.  Mercy, is this rain ever gonna let up!  Now, Pard, I didn’t stay stop, but let it rain a little here, an’ a little there, especially come August.  But then again, Pard, we don’t want none of them herrycanes that bring wind and rain.  
     Go ‘head, take off yur slicker an’ I’ll pour yuh some coffee.  Pure delight!  That’s yur joinin’ me this mornin’, an’ when yuh taste this brew yu’ll think the same.  Ahhh, good, hot, and black.  Don’t go mixin’ it none like them shysters who did that with the law.  That trial up there in New York was a sham.  Talk about twistin’ an’ twirlin’ the law and makin’ it for their own good.  Pard, there’s comin’ a day, not just for them, but for all of us.  “There’s a great day comin!…”  Sorry Pard, I didn’t mean for my singin’ to cause yuh to spurt out yur coffee.
     Pard, I was glancin’ at some things in the Good Book.  ‘Course those in that court don’t care much for it, but one day they’ll be wishin’ they had.  Go ahead, I’m not gonna sing, slurp down yur coffee.  But as I was sayin’, I was readin’ those Prophets, Micah and others, and my mercy, one of the reasons judgment was comin’ was the perversion of justice.  Why to do justly is one of the simple requirements the Lord done give us, not to use it for our own whims and agendas.  An’ that ol’ wise man, Solomon tolt us that it’s a joy to do justice, but those who do iniquity just better be watchin’ out.  See this issue ain’t about President Trump; it’s about the law, justice, an’ the American way.  The perversion of justice, well, it just paves the way for that “man of lawlessness” that is gonna bring havoc to this ol’ earth.
     But on the brighter side, we’ll enjoy our coffee this mornin’ and we’re a-knowin’ that behind it all the Lord is in control.  All the shenanigans by the judges and those behind the scenes ain’t got a fix on Him.  So we just keep right on goin’ our way, doin’ justly, lovin’ mercy, an’ walkin’ humbly with the Lord.  That’s all we can do, cayn’t do nothin’ else.  Trustin’ in the Lord is what we’ve got to be doin’ each and every minute of the day.  That goes for you too, when yuh go to mount, yuh do yur part by checkin’ yur cinch, then the Lord will help yuh stay in the saddle.
     Yeehaw, yuh be havin’ yurself a bustin’ good week!  Hang in there, an’ if’n yuh need to, hunker down durin’ the storm.
      Vaya con Dios.

 

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

I heated up a canteen cup of coffee with a sterno tablet. I had to hover over it to keep the rain from drowning it out.”
                    –E.B. Sledge

Yippi-ki-yay, Pard, it’s Saturday.  Just wanted to let out a hoot ’cause the Lord done blessed us with another day together, and that the coffee is ready, hot, and ready to be guzzled.  I was readin’ ol’ Sledge’s quotation.  I’ve made coffee a few times over sterno, but more often over hexamine tablets.  I had a little tripod with a center disc large enough for a tablet.  My cup would fit nicely over it, and I could get one cup hot enough with one tablet.  I was just reading that they were banned last October.  Another good thing done away with ’cause of the fools out there.  Next they’ll be takin’ matches, ’cause they start fires.  “Course these modern matches, the light everywhere kind, don’t light everywhere.  Probably not enough phos’rus on the tip.
     Heard that the blueberries are ripe and ready for the pickin’.  Now if’n I could just go get the daughter and girls to pick me some, maybe even send the Missus to help, I could have me a blueberry pie, or blueberry muffins, or blueberry cake–well, yuh get the picture.  When I was a teenager, ‘back in the sixties blueberry pie was my favorite.  Mmmm, imagine that with a cup of this brew.  Wouldn’t that make the gizzard sit up with delight; might even get a howl from it.
     On a more serious note, I want to share something with yuh.  Maybe it’s more of a comical, stupid, foolish note, but behind it sits the lies of the pit.  The pope, in all his splendor and pseudo-glory has made a proclamation.  He said this on 60 Minutes, “We are all fundamentally good.  Yes, there are some rogues and sinners, but the heart itself is good.”  My, my, is he self-deluded or not?  The prophet of old, Jeremiah, said this, “The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)  Perhaps he should also take a look at Proverbs where the heart is described as foolish, perverse, wicked, proud, haughty, evil, and other such things.  Why even the sage Paul recognized that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

     Yelp, Pard, false prophets and deceivers are out there, don’t yuh be caught up in their sayin’s.  An’ the more they rattle an’ spout, the more they believe themselves.  These are those whom the Lord sends a strong delusion to.  Ahhh, sure nothin’ delutin’ ’bout this coffee, that’s for sure.  Pure deee—light!  Pard, yuh watch out for them fakers, seers, an’ the like.  They’ll try to steal the truth from yuh.  An’ don’t go ridin’ off without checkin’ yur cinch first–that’s another way yuh can be deluded, by fallin’ on yur noggin’.
         Vaya con Dios.