–Ernest Haycox  (Saddle and Ride)

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          “Spring has sprung,

          And grass has riz,

          And everything that looks

          Like a weed, is!”

Now, Pard, that’s some fine verse for the springtime that is now upon us.  It was given to me by the missus, so reckoned I’d use it since Spring is now officially here.  These last few weeks has shor been some ride with the weather.  Cold, snow, and then some of the hottest weather on record in Arizony.

     Careful, Pard!  That coffee’s hot!  Yuh should be testin’ it before yur burn all the hair off’n yur tongue.  Be aware, cayn’t yuh feel the heat before yuh open your mouth?  That bring me to a thought.  I was out driving the highway the other day, yep takin’ my life into somebody else’s hand, and I noticed, and it’s not the first time, that there is little awareness of folks out there in those steel mounts.  They go over into yur lane likes they own it, then swerve back.  They’ll move from the far left to make their exit four lanes over to the right.  Just not bein’ aware of where they are or what they should be a-doin’. 

     Pard, lack of awareness can get yuh hurt mighty bad, or even kilt.  Yuh need to be aware of yur surroundin’s, of possible obstacles.  Why even walkin’ in the woods, yuh must be aware for an ol’ rattler or copperhead may be lurkin’ nearby.  Yuh might step in a hole, and break an ankle or worse fall on yur noggin’.  Pard, lack of awareness can get yur tonsils burnt if’n yuh swaller that hot coffee too quick-like.

     Yuh ponder that whilst I takes a swaller now.  Ahhh, good-delicious!  Pard, the same is true travelin’ our journey on the gloryland trail.  Ol’ slewfoot is out there with a myriad of devices, snares, traps, and deadfalls.  We travel, but we must be aware of what is around us.  Why we know he’s a prowlin’ ’round like an ol’ mountain puma.  But as the ol’ Apostle said we are not ignorant of his devices, traps, and snares.  An’ for shor our Guide will be pointin’ them out if we are aware of His instructions.   

     Pard, the good Lord has put another day, and hopefully another week in front of us.  He has made them for us, but that don’t negate our responsibility to be aware as we go through each and ev’ry day.  Pard, we have to cinch up tighter, look harder, sit straighter and have a clear focus on the trail ahead of us and what might jump out from the sides.  As the pioneers and settlers came they had to be aware of their surroundin’s.  There were vicious varmints, snakes, rocks and ruts in the trail, hostiles, and renegades waitin’ to do harm to the unsuspectin’.  It hasn’t changed much–the enemy is the same and he is still waitin’ for us to be droppin’ our guard.

     So Pard, check yur coffee ‘fore yuh drink.  Tighten yur cinch, keep yur Bible handy an’ yur gun loaded.  Keep movin’ onward an’ upward.

     Vaya con Dios.

                    –Luke Short  (Donovan’s Gun)

 

Mornin’ to yuh, Pard.  Come on in, grab yur mug, and… no, not yur face yuh fool, the cup in the cabinet.  Don’t try to be funny with me this mornin’.  Speakin’ of bein’ funny, remember those days of watchin’ Looney Tunes?  Then there was that ol’ peckerwood–Woody with his laugh.  Those were funny so don’t yuh be tryin’ to do the same.  Why, there’s plenty of cacklin’, howlin’ bureaucrats that have already beat yuh to it.

     Now to be polite, I won’t mention no names, but there’s one high-up guy who said ICE would be able to remove “tens of billions of people” from voter rolls if a certain law was passed.  Now, I can’t count that high myself, I run out of fingers an’ toes, but I know we don’t have billions of people in this country.  Or how ’bout this one from Minneysota.  A lawmaker has requested a study on the “benefits of shoplifting.”  Hmmm, ponder that, ‘specially if yur a store owner or manager.  Shoplifting has its benefits?  Guess it depends if’n yur lookin’ at it from the perspective of the lifter.  Then there’s the male equivalent of Mad Max who proclaimed, “We’re not celebrating America’s 250th birthday.  We worked 246 years and never got paid.”  Go ahead, an’ ponder that one as well.  Makes me wonder how much is in his bank account.

     Watcha doin’ lookin’ in yur cup?  Don’t yuh be worryin’ none.  That coffee won’t make yur gizzard frown, nor yur innards curdle.  But maybe if’n I make it a little stronger, folks will go ‘way from makin’ cinos.  Lattes?  Yuh like moo-juice in yur coffee sayin’ it soothes the stomach?  Pard, yuh ain’t talkin’ sense.  But I do remember when I was a homesteadin’ back in Louisiana they had something called, cafe au-lait that was drinkable for dessert.

     But back to the new form of looney-tunes.  They must be havin’ tryouts or something ’cause everytime yuh look at the news there’s someone spoutin’ the comedic phrases.  What was it the ol’ apostle said, Claimin’ to be wise, they became fools…!”  Can folk be so willfully blind that they can’t see how foolish their words and actions are?  My mercy, honestly an’ seriously, they are not funny.  More like vomit-fodder.  Their words and actions are downright shameful, an’ it’s scary.  Scary for this country right now, why I saw they’re havin’ a funeral for the Iranian tyrant that was killed tryin’ to make him a martyr.  Scary for the person, for one day they’re gonna have to bow before the Almighty King of the Universe, an’ let me be tellin’ yuh this, that won’t be a pleasant experience for them.

     As my ol’ Grandma would say, “Lord, help us through the jungles!”  We surely need His help, strength, an’ guidance in this ol’ world in which we live.  Pard, it won’t be my coffee makin’ the cream in yur gizzard curl, it’ll be the foolishness of those bureaucrats.  Yuh be havin’ a good week.  An’ don’t make me shake my head at yur foolishness, don’t be one of them cartoon characters we see in the news–check yur cinch.  Surely they didn’t ’cause we see evidence that they musta fallen on their ol’ coconut several times.

      Vaya con Dios.

                    –Patrick Lindsay  (Pike Hardy)

 

Mornin’ to yuh, Pard.  Here we are in March already, two months down.  My mercy, what happens to the time?  The weeks, the months, and now the days just seem to fly by.  Have breakfast coffee and yuh look at the clock an’ it’s already time for the mid-mornin’ coffee break.  Whooooeeee…

     Don’t yuh be a-frettin’, my coffee’s jist fine.  Yuh can swaller all yuh want, an’ yuh don’t have to be spittin’ it out.  Pard, I read that an’ it made me think of most of the bureaucrats I’ve listened to an’ seen.  Yuh can only handle a couple of swallers of their guff at one time.  Makes yuh want to do more than spit it out.  Some ol’ boy was sayin’ that yuh can make a good case out of nothin’, if yuh disregard evidence.  Now, ain’t that the truth.  Some of them politickin’ burueaucrats sure do play that to the hilt.  Yuh wonder how some of them make it in life, but guess they have enough lies to get by in life.  Yuh put the plain truth in front of some an’ they’ll sputter an’ fume.  Some will get mad, some will jist huff an’ puff, whilst others will walk out.  Walk out on the truth, now that jist don’t make no sense atall.

     See, the coffee’s downright good an’ tasty.  Now, I’ll admit, there’s some folk will add a little water to my brew, whilst others will put in some cow juice.  Both change the flavor some.  Pard, there’s jist some folk that add enough water, milk, or other liquid to the truth to make it palatable to what they want to hear.  Goodness, jist look at what our Lord had to go through.  No matter the truth He tolt to the powers-that-be, they wouldn’t believe Him ’cause they wanted Him to be followin’ their agenda.  They’d rather believe the lies of their father–the devil.  Ol’ Paul tolt us that folks would be runnin’ ’round with itchy ears.  Well, Pard, that time’s upon us.

     I’m beginnin’ to be understandin’ more of what the Lord meant when He done said, don’t be castin’ yur pearls before the swine.  Those hogs will trample them in the mud, wallow on them, an’ if’n yuh try to find them they jist might be in the stomach of that hog, or so muddy yuh can’t be recognizin’ them.  Well, some of those politicians do the same thing with truth.  My, my, if’n yuh don’t think so jist lookee at the feller runnin’ for the senate in Texas.  He’s got so much of the Scripture twisted up, yuh can’t tell Adam from Eve, nor Isaac from Thomas.  Best be knowin’ the Word, stickin’ to it, guardin’ it, and teachin’ yur younguns the truth before it gets all fouled up by some mealy-mouth bureaucrat.

     Say, the pot’s empty.  Yuh must have been drinkin’ whilst I’ve been tryin’ to take care of problems.  Yuh be mindin’ yur Ps and Qs, ride tall in the saddle, keep yur gun handy, and the Word in yur heart, and don’t let none of them bureaucrats be tellin’ yuh that in this modern, sophisticated, an’ technological age that yuh no longer need to be checkin’ yur cinch.  That jist ain’t the truth.

      Vaya con Dios.

                    –William MacLeod Raine  (A Texas Ranger)

 

     Take heed to what ol’ Bill Raine said, keep yur gun within reach as there’s too many crazies runnin’ ’round out there.  My mercy, the way them supposed sophisticated bureaucrats acted durin’ the President’s speech, one has to be wonderin’ ’bout the common person any more.  Pard, things are gettin’ out of hand.  Where’s the common courtesy that is to be afforded?  It’s not black and white no more, it’s not racism that is the issue; it’s the sane versus the crazies.  

     But enough of that, don’t want to rilin’ yur gizzard with all that foolishness.  But one other thing, an’ then I’ll poured yur coffee as I see yuh reachin’ out yur paw.  There’s a payday comin’.  Sooner for some, eventually for all.  Don’t yuh be forgettin’ that.

     Hyar yuh go.  Take a sip an’ that’ll perk yuh right up.  Picks me up, why whenever I need a fixer-up, I’ll pour me a cup, sit down in my chair an’ do a little contemplatin’.  Went to the doc the other day, and found out–guess what, I’m gettin a mite older.  Yep, as my Aunt and Grandma used to call it, progressive agin’.  Listen, Pard, it happens to all of us if’n we fortunate to live that long.  But let me tell yuh the goodness truth of the matter.  I look at those folk in the doc’s office an’ they’re bad off.  Besides the aches and pain they must have they let it affect their face and demeanor.  Not, all, some roll with the punches.  Some know that the ol’ body wears down an’ they keep a right good attitude with it.  Why Pard, I thank the Lord for another day, and always for a good night’s sleep.  Don’t want to get sour and grumblin’.

     Ol’ Paul, wrote somethin’ like this.  “We do not lose heart!”  Get that in yur noggin’.  Most of those folks I saw have lost heart.  They depend on the doc for help an’ they get their pills to swaller, but it don’t do much good, jist helps them linger on a little longer.  See, we should never be losin’ heart.  Yep, for shor, this ol’ body is wearin’ or as Paul said, “wastin’ away.”  But the good Lord don’t leave us that way ’cause our innards, no not yur gizzard and liver, but that inner man is bein’ renewed day by day.  Get this Pard, when yuh feel the aches and pain, an’ yuh let out a moan–spiritually we never grow old.  Now, that’s something to clog in the kitchen about.

     Hold on, Pard, I jist can’t hold it in.  Beller out with me if’n yuh want to.  “Never grow old, never grow old, In a land where we’ll never grow old…”  Whoopi-yi, don’t that get down in yur soul?  Add that to yur coffee an’ yuh can surely have a good day.  Live the life that the good Lord would have yuh live an’ don’t be worryin’ for yuh ain’t never gonna grow old.

     Keep that thought through the week, but wait, that don’t mean to go through life foolishly–yuh still need to check yur cinch.  

     Vaya con Dios.