Coffee Percs

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

She crossed the room from the wood stove and held out a steaming mug in front of her. ‘Here you go, strong enough to lay railroad tracks on its own.’” 

                    –James Leonard  (The Marshal)
 
“Ol’ Dan Tucker was a fine ol’ man; he washed his face in a fryin’ pan…”  Well, howdy-do, Pard, an’ good mornin’ to yuh.  My, half-way through May already.  Got the coffee on, an’ don’t be a-feared, I don’t plan on wastin’ it throwin’ on the floor to see if’n I can use it for a foundation.  Don’t think it’d make good varnish even, but it might be good for refinishin’ some furniture if’n I was still doin’ that sorta stuff.
     Tryin’ my best to stay from politikin’ as it makes me grumble, and adds some extra juice to muh innards.  Can’t do much about it, exceptin’ to pray.  It’s all in the Lord’s hands, but in the meantime a person can get stirred up ’bout some of the foolishness and lack of common sense.  Why I was readin’ what that ol’ sage of the past wrote.  Yuh might remember him, rode the riverboats for a while.  Twain was his name, he spoke a truism, “No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot.”  Now ain’t that the truth!  Take that to the halls of Congress and into the court rooms.
     Speakin’ of courts.  The shysters are a mess.  Judges and lawyers alike an’ some of them don’t care ’bout justice at all.  Play with the system, dilly-dally around with the truth in front of them.  Run by their own agenda rather than the code of law.  If’n yuh ever read the Prophets, yul find that one of the indictments against Israel by most of them is a crooked and perverse justice system.  The “alleged” shooter of Charlie Kirk….I would ask where is the speedy trial.  Instead the shysters play at their shenanigans.  Hmmm, wonder who’s payin’ his legal fees.  Pard, let me be a tellin’ yuh, an’ I got this from a pard on that thar social media.  It’s taken from Proverbs 11:3, but put down to language liken yuh can handle.  “A crooked man don’t need the dark to hide.”  Ain’t that the truth!
     We need more like ol’ Dan, and perhaps use the fryin’ pan to be knockin’ some sense in the noggin’ of some of them polecats.  Ol’ Miles, from time to time, has been able to smell the aroma of the Pale Rider, well, I’m a-thinkin’ it ain’t jist smog we’re a-smellin’ or the garbage left in the streets.  It’s the odor from them legal and political shysters.  Pard, tighten that cinch down, or yuh jist might come out to find yur saddle missin’.  Taken by one of them illegals, or given to some bum, by one of them shysters.
     Breath deep, but beware yuh jist might come up with an aroma that might cause yuh to turn green.  No matter what, as I already tolt yuh, the Lord’s in charge.  The fools are all around and in various places thinkin’ they got it under control, but they’re doin’ nothin’ but a-foolin’ themselves.  Yep, there’s plenty of them fools fools out there.
     Yuh keep ridin’ straight and for the brand of the Lord.  Don’t be dilly-dallyin’ no place yuh don’t belong.  Gun oiled an’ handy, Bible read an’ ready for use.  An’ Pard, besides the coffee in the mornin’ don’t be leavin’ without be prayed up.  Varmints, hostiles, imps, an’ skunks are lurkin’ about.
      Vaya con Dios.

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

Cowboys drank too much coffee, sometimes ten cups a day.”

                    –Zane Grey
 
Mornin’ to yuh, Pard.  No, we ain’t gonna set ourselves down and drink a couple pots of coffee.  Though, I can recall a few days of doin’ that.  Why one ol’ runnin’ pard back in Colorado used to be a coffee drinker.  One night his wife and mine, we all sits ourselves down to play cards.  I remember the missus had made several dozen bear-sign, that’s donuts to yuh tenderfeet.  We ate donuts, drank coffee, and had a good ol’ time.
     Let me pour yuh a cup, not that I don’t be trustin’ yuh with the pot, but I surely don’t want to spill a drop.  That’s birthday coffee, real genuine coffee from New Guinea.  Hard to get any better than that.  Go ahead yuh start yur sippin’ an’ I’ll fill yuh in on some more of the stupidity that is in this country.  I tell yuh Pard, yuh don’t want to even take a gander at the news anymore.  The hatred, the evil, and my land, all of the stupidity.  
     Heard that a Walgreens was been attacked by repeated shopliftin’.  They put in anti-theft locks to secure merchandise.  Guess what–they’re callin’ that racist?  Go figure that out if’n yuh can.  Now here’s one that beats all.  Almost fell out of my chair when I read it.  That wicked person who recently tried to kill the President and other officials came up for a hearin’.  The judge (small capital j, he doesn’t rate a capital J) apologized to the accused for the “extremely restrictive conditions” inside the jail.  My mercy, the man is in jail not the country club.  Get this, here are the conditions:  “placement in a padded cell under near-constant observation, with limited access to basic privileges such as phone calls, reading materials, and recreation.”  Recreation for a would-be assassin??!!
     Finish yur cup ‘fore I tell you this one.  I don’t want yuh snortin’ out that good brew.  Dinesh D’Souza wrote this from the former first lady.  Hold on, Pard, let me be tellin’ yuh, then I’ll get yuh another cup of coffee.  “Let me explain something to white people.  Our hair comes out of our head naturally in a curly pattern.  So when we’re straightening it to follow your beauty standards, we are trapped by the straightness.  That’s why many of us can’t swim.”  ????  If’n she really said that…..my, my we’re in trouble.  No logic, no sense in it at all.  What was it we read in the Psalms?  “Some became fools through their rebellious ways.”(107:17)  Fools, that ain’t the half of it.
     Well, Pard, we didn’t drink ourselves ten cups, but we almost finished a pot.  I make sure it’s gone by the end of the day.  Watch yur talk, be wary of yur walk, don’t be hangin’ out with fools, and for sure be a-checkin’ yur cinch.
    Vaya con Dios.

 

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

She held out a mug of coffee for him and then took a drink from her own. Curls of steam rose off the bitter brew, twisting like small ghosts. She stared at the black coffee like it was a mirror.”
                    –James Leonard  (The Sun Never Sets)

Pestilence is coming Pard.  No, don’t be a-lookin’ in yur cup, that’s pure delight.  I wouldn’t be givin’ yuh no poison to be drinkin’.  But Pard, yuh remember that thing they were callin’ COVID?  Say what yuh want about it, folks got scared, did crazy things, and many did die.  A forerunner of what is to come?  Could be, but it does show the state of people and the power of the government and the press.  Get them all a-frenzy, promise a solution and they’ll grasp for it.
     Yuh keep a-starin’ in yur cup.  Don’t be frettin’, go ahead an’ take a sip.  Ahhh, see it’s downright good.  But back to this year’s thought of pestilence.  I read that there’s a new screwworm workin’ its way towards Texas.  No, I’m not speakin’ of the liberal politicians though they have the same effect.  This new pestilence is supposed to be devastatin’ to wildlife, pets, livestock, and even human beans.  The symptoms are a stinkin’ bloody mess from the wound, and irritated behavior, head shakin’ and the like.  Hmmm, the more I think of it the more I see it already infectin’ us two-legged species.  My mercy, Pard!  Are those folks infected with a spiritual screwworm?  Look at ’em.  They have the symptoms.  What was it that ol’ John wrote in the Revelation.  “And I looked, and behold, a pale horse! And its rider’s name was Death, and Hades followed him. And they were given authority over a fourth of the earth, to kill with sword and with famine and with pestilence and by wild beasts of the earth.” (6:8, ESV)  Ol’ Miles Forrest said that he could at times smell the rider of the Pale Horse.  Take a whiff.  Listen, with all that poison bein’ spewed and the lies, don’t be surprised if’n yuh don’t start smellin’ the rider of the pale horse.  Pestilence is part of his arsenal.  Again, not to be alarmin’, but is this another wake up call?

     Pard, yuh don’t be drinkin’ none of the poison that’s bein’ offered yuh.  Don’t be a listenin’ to all them lies tryin’ to get yuh on their side.  Compromise has no place in our lives.  Pard, these left-wing folks are not a pretty blackbird, but a hideous buzzard ready to pluck out yur spiritual eyes.  Evil is out there to get yuh, to trick yuh, to connive yuh.  Look at them, listen to them–they spew the very vile from the pit.  Some of them are even tryin’ to take spiritual overtones, a sorta pseudo-Christianity.  Don’t be fooled by the sweetness that seems to come from their lips for in the end it will be worse than strychnine. 
     Hey Pard, what’s that smell?  No, it’s not yur armpit, it’s something far more sinister.  Is the Pale Rider mounted and ridin’ this way?  Pestilence, beware, watch who yuh bump into along the way, as they could infect yuh.  But ride tall in the saddle, be wary, and keep goin’ onward and upward.  
    Vaya con Dios.
  
P.S.  Don’t forget to check yur cinch.  That could be one of the ploys of the pestilence.

 

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

He walked to the fire and tried some of the coffee out of their pot. Usually they made fair coffee, but tonight it wasn’t fit to drink… He sipped a little and turned the cup upside down.”             

                    –Elmer Kelton (Captain’s Rangers)
 
     Come on in, Pard.  Yep, yuh caught me shakin’ my head.  Pard, just how fruity can these fruitloops get?  My land, they’ve put a whole new spin on the ol’ Sage Solomon’s words, “There is a time for everything.”  I was watchin’ a clip from that cowboy blogger, Chad Prather, and on it was this “wonder” sayin’ that “queer and trans people actually experience time completely differently from cis-het people?  It’s a concept called queer temporality.”  Oh, an’ I had to google what in the world is “cis-het”.
     Oh man, sorry Pard, I didn’t mean for yuh to spurt out a mouthful of coffee.  No worry, it’ll clean, there’s no varnish on that table to be worryin’ about.  But I understand…  Do folks sit around dreamin’ these things up, or do they eat enchanted mushrooms to illuminate what little brains they have?  Pard, there’s still a drop on yur chin…
     More an’ more I see what Paul meant when he said that the Lord will send a great delusion.  Why, half the folks now are in that stage; it wouldn’t take much more to push them on over into never-never land, or maybe it should be wonder-wonder land, the land that time forgot.  Yuh think it’s bad now with all the nonsense and foolishness and chicanery, it’s hard to imagine what it will be like after the saints are taken on up to glory.
     Ahh, good coffee, an’ see I didn’t spill a drop.  Don’t know if yuh look at social media much, but I see more an’ more junk regarding new and/or personal interpretation of the Bible.  Woe, that is dangerous pard.  That’s like sleepin’ next to an ol’ rattler hopin’ yuh won’t roll over on him in the night.   Those folks are addin’ to the visions and dream, and what the Spirit has already laid out for us.  Mostly I think it’s ’cause they want to feel high and mighty ’bout themselves with their new revelations.  Why I saw where one preacher said that there needs to be a third testament.  One that fits our culture.  What she really meant one that fit her agenda and lifestyle and morals and ethics.
     Whooeee, ol’ Pecos Bill would have trouble ridin’ some of the lyin’ broncs out there.  Yuh know, I’ve been studyin’ Proverbs, and my oh my, there’ a lot in those words regarding the use of the mouth.  Liars and shysters…we know who their father is.  Yep, ol’ slewfoot hisownself.  Imagine wantin’ to have the devil as a father.  Goodness the extent fools will go to…
     Well, Pard, yuh be sure to speak the truth.  Do it with yur mouth and with yur life.  Yur actions speak loud, so watch what yuh be a-doin’.  Have yurself a week, remember it’s one the Lord has given yuh so be using it wisely and for His glory.  Yep, yur right, that includes checkin’ yur cinch.  Why some youngster may be a-watchin’ an’ if’n he sees a grown up not doin’ what’s right he might get some ideas of his own that ain’t plumb proper.
     Vaya con Dios.