–Elmer Kelton  (Barbed Wire)

 

Get in this kitchen Pard, don’t yuh know it’s cold outside?  Brrr, it goes right to my bones anymore.  It don’t take much for the ol’ fence post to get a chill.  Listen, Pard, and I know I’m right, I’m a long way from workin’ out in sub-zero weather.  Nope, I’ll take all the warmth Texas has for me right now, and that ain’t much.  Hope all is well at yur place.  I’ll be gettin’ the coffee.

       I heard somethin’ just the other day.  The broadcaster said for the first time America had an openly non-binary contendin’.  Yuh know, I had to go scratchin’ at my head.  Bein’ the questionin’ guy that I am I went to the trusty phone and here is the definition I was given.  “Non-binary or genderqueer is an umbrella term for gender identities that are neither male nor female–identities that are outside the gender binary.  They may have a third gender, no gender, or a fluctuating gender identity.  Pard, are yuh gettin’ this?  In other words, that person is confused!

       Now, if he does not consider himself a male, why does he perform as one?  The Olympics, as other sports, is becomin’ a hot-bed for Satan’s schemes and political agendas.  Yuh tell me how a person can float back and forth from one gender to another?  Yuh tell me, how that person is gonna stand before God and give answer to what it has done with the life God gave them.  Pard, I just don’t understand.

      Well, I just shake my head over that one some more, but I do have somethin’ to tell yuh.  The ol’ China virus finally got us.  Not too bad except I want to sleep.  Little cough,  no sore throat or and little fever.  I really don’t feel bad.  Don’ yuh be worryin’.  I didn’t mean for yuh to jump up and spill yur coffee; I thought yuh would take the news in a more sophisticated method.  Don’t be a-frettin’.  Here’s a rag, yuh don’t need to wipe it up with yur bandanna.  Better be drinkin’ up and get those insides all warm for in a few minutes yu’ll be out in it.  Brrr.

       Yuh take care this week.  Be sure an’ check yur cinch.  Yuh don’t want to fall off in this cold weather an’ break somethin’.

        Vaya con Dios.

                        –Ernest Haycox  (Action By Night)

 

I’ve been waitin’ for yuh, Pard.  Throw yur spurs under the table, while I bring the coffee.  Careful now, yuh know the missus don’t want the floor all scratched up.  What d’ yuh think, Pard?  January’s almost over, only a sliver of it left.  Yuh been practicin’ yur good deeds and resolutions?  Here yuh go, filled right up to the brim.  Don’t yuh go spillin’ it none as I didn’t put it on a saucer.  Folks in olden times used to drink out of their saucer, reckoned it cooled the scaldiin’ coffee down some.  At least I gave yuh a cup, I’m not gonna force yuh to drink from the pot.

       Say, Pard, I read the other day that 82% of Gen. Z have had a traumatic experience.  Well, if they’re countin’ Biden and Harris bein’ elected I would say it would be 100%.  But, here’ my point.  What is a traumatic experience?  What Gen. Z calls one and you and I call one might be totally different.  Fact is I don’t think droppin’ a double-grande, mucho, vanilla-carmel Stabucks coffee a traumatic experience.  Now, stubbin’ yur toe in the middle of the night when yur raidin’ the icebox might hurt like the thunder, but it don’t rate as a traumatic experience.  Now if ol’ Miss Mable Brooks died, the spinster down the road, that most likely wouldn’t be traumatic either, for she don’t have no kinfolk.  Maybe for her cat.  For a snowflake or twinkie, bein’ told to get up an’ go to work might be a traumatic experience.

       Well, one thing for sure, is that they better be gettin’ ready, for the world’s gonna be tremblin’ soon.  If folks think this virus is bad, they need to read what is gonna happen in the Book of Revelation.  Why this ol’ bug will be minor compared to what will comin’ upon the earth.  That’s why we are lookin’ up, gettin’ ready now for that homecomin’.  This ol’ boy ain’t plannin’ on bein’ around for no Tribulation.  Yuh talk about a traumatic experience, well, sure enough, that time will have plenty of them.

       Ahhh, coffee’s good this mornin’, so yuh don’t have to rush off.  Yuh be watchful out there, now!  And if’n yuh don’t check yur cinch and yuh fall to the ground, well, the shaken yuh might bring could be a traumatic experience.

        Vaya con Dios.

I added wood to the coals and soon had it flaming, then put on the coffeepot.  ‘Let’s go!’ I hollered.  ‘Coffee’s boilin’ and I’m puttin’ the bacon on.'”

                    –D.C. Adkisson  (Call to Justice)

 

Don’t be a-gawkin’ Pard, get to swallowin’ that brew.  Hot and strong enough to fix what might be ailin’ yuh.  Don’t be rubbin’ on yur sores or achin’ muscles though; it ain’t been proven effective for that–yet.  If’n that works, it’ll need a booster, oh, ’bout four times a day.  Listen when yuh drink my coffee, yuh don’t mind yur aches an’ pains.  Yuh, just smile and feel the contentment move through yur bein’.

       I remember a few times in my life when I was out in the woods.  No phone, no radio, no television, and no people.  I would come back to civilization and not know what was happening.  Kind of a weird feelin’ not knowing what has happened in the world.  I’m sorta like that now.  Out in the woods, no television, no radio.  Oh, I stay in somewhat contact through the phone, but I try to stay away from the media.  For the most part it’s full lies.

       For the most part I’m tryin’ not get riled up with all the doin’s that go on.  Masks, vaccines, now the elections are coming up this year.  Whooeee they can rile the gizzard.  I want to stay focused on the Lord.  I want my actions to find their basis in Him,  Pard, for the first time in months I had to put on a mask.  What for?  If’n everyone is vaccinated, why do they worry if I wear a mask or not?  I sure don’t want to be livin’ a paranoid life.  Nope, I’ll just get movin’ forward, set myself back from time to time, enjoy my coffee and trust in the Lord.

       Fill yur cup up again, while I plug in an advertisement.  Notice the quotation above?  It’s from my new book–just published.  If’n yuh want a rip-snortin’ story get yurself a copy; if’n yur more into romance–get yurself a copy.  Sit yurself down in yur favorite comfortable chair, with a cup of coffee (or tea if’n yur a tea-sipper) and enjoy a good read.

       What’s that, yuh have to leave already?  Well, yuh be careful out there with all the nuts, snowflakes, wokes, and twinkies runnin’ around.  Keep yur gun handy, yur Bible read, and for sure, check yur cinch.

        Vaya con Dios.

                         –J. Lee Butts  (Gun Works)

 

Come on in Pard, an’ take a weight off’n yur feet.  Surely hope yuh had yurself a good week.  I did, but my days were all messed up.  I thought Tuesday was Friday, then Friday was Saturday.  Guess that’s what happens when yuh jist sit ’round the fire, enjoyin’ life and coffee.  Right now there’s no pie–fastin’ pie for the month of January.  

       I’m in an unusual situation.  My mind is normally percolatin’ with a bunch of thoughts stirrin’ around.  My problem then is to sort them out, but Pard, right now, there’s nothin’ stirrin’ in the ol’ noggin’.  Oh, I could get goin’ with the same old rant about the virus and vaccine along with power and control, but what’s the use?  I could write about the economy, the price of bacon, an’ inflation.  If’n I took a notion, I might say something about the President, and others up in Washington, but then my liver and gizzard might get in an uproar.

       Don’t worry, just grab the pot and pour whenever yur cup runs dry.  Don’t make me no nevermind–just do it.  Hey, let me tell yuh ’bout one of my Christmas presents.  I received a special gift of coffee–a coffee of the month.  Each month, I’m to receive coffee from a different place in the world.  So far I’ve had coffee from Ethiopia and Uganda.  Nice present, and I’ve enjoyed it.  Ha, see you are too.

       Yuh know, thinkin’ of those yokels in Washington the ol’ song comes to my mind.  “Won’t it be wonderful there?”  Heaven that is, not the grand monoliths of political power.   It’s a sad thing to say, but when I look at some of those faces I get downright ill.  I don’t bother listenin’ to their spiel, which are mostly lies.  I’d rather hear the porkers oink and grunt in the neighbor’s yard next to Kimberly’s.

       Speakin’ of songs, I’ve tried to keep one current everyday.  Sorta like a resolution.  We know the heavenly Father has given us each day and we’re to be doin’ our best for Him each and every day so I thought.  “I woke up this mornin’ feelin’ fine.  I woke up with heaven on my mind.  I woke up with joy in my soul, for I knew my Lord had control…”

What, yuh don’t like my singin’.  I thought it might be worth a cup or two of coffee.  See, and if yuh look closely, yuh can see that I’m part of the “woke” crowd.  No, not those whimperin’, snibblin’, lily-livered whiners, but a member of the Kingdom of God.  

       Well, yuh need to be on yur way an’ I need to be workin’ on my latest book.  It should be out sometime next week.  Yuh take care, and don’t forget to be checkin’ yur cinch from time to time.

        Vaya con Dios.