My preference runs to coffee.  Black coffee, and not much water in it.”
              –Elmer Kelton  (Hot Iron)

    “I’ll take a bone and a cactus root…”  What’d mean, what am I doin’?  Singin’… singin’ my cares away.  Just ’cause it’s foggy this mornin’ there’s no call to say that my singin’ sounds like a foghorn.  Goin’ to call 911, why pard, what a thing to say to this ol’ fence post.  I was just enjoyin’ the mornin’ and liftin’ my voice up in joyful song.  Keep it to myself, yuh mean my singin’ ain’t joyful to you?  How this then, I’ve poured the coffee, and it’s sittin’ right in front of yuh; better than my singin’.
    Have yuh looked around much lately pard?  I’ve been lookin’ for a new species.  From what all I’m hearin’ there must be some new creatures out there.  Some are sayin’ there’s up to 15 different genders.  When I go out I see still, only the same old two:  male and female.  Now, I’ll have to admit–some of them are mighty strange lookin’.  But all this talk and confusion about gender is part of complete stupidity.   Part of the devil’s game it is.  Now, I admit.  Once, and my only year of coachin’ football, I called a linebacker over and pulled open his drawers–told him “yep, lace.”  Something happened for that youngster started hittin’ like a middle linebacker is supposed to.  They’d call it toxic masculinity today.  That’s what I wanted out there and plenty of it.
    Sorry, pard, didn’t mean to make yuh snort in yur coffee.  Here’s my bandana, wipe it up and I’ll give yuh a refill.  Where do these nuts come from?  If that’s what they’re teachin’ behinds those walls of education there’s a need to do some overhaulin’.  Don’t know if yuh knew this, but I had a hankerin’ once to go into breedin’.  Nah, silly, not my own kids.  I was goin’ to go to college, Colorado State University, matter of fact, and get into agriculture (how ’bout that, four syllable word) and get into the business of breedin’ cows, hogs, horses…  In my studyin’ back then, I found that it took only two breeds:  male and female–’tweren’t no other.  Still ain’t.
    It’s almost comical, if not so downright stupid, and deadly.  I don’t mean physical death, but the kind that can kill the soul.  If a person is that confused about life, well, I reckon he’s followin’ the author of confusion.  Coffee’s gone, I can make up a fresh pot, but know yuh have to be hittin’ the trail for today.  
    Yuh be careful out there.  More and more crazies are comin’ out and if they are confused ’bout themselves, wonder what they’ll think ’bout you traipsin’ around?  Yuh keep that gun handy, be readin’ yur Bible and check that cinch ever’time yuh mount up.

He held his cup in both hands, and sipped the hot black coffee with slow pleasure.  He was a coffee-drinking man, and he relished these minutes by the fire, which were too few.”
              –Louis L’Amour  (Kilrone)

    Sure, I know it, I ain’t blind.  Graylight’s already here, you’re here, so…  Well, the coffee’s ready too.  I was just catching a few extra snoozes this mornin’.  Sit down and take that first taste, wait–hold it pard, take a whiff first.  Ahhh, often wondered why they didn’t make perfume like this.
    See where the bureaucrats are goin’ at it again.  Yuh know, it’s one thing to be playin’ politics, and another to show malice and hatred.  What I don’t get it that those elected folk don’t realize they’re playin’ politics with the lives of us here citizens.  Most of them don’t care, especially that liberal side.  Don’t worry pard, I’m not goin’ to get the gizzard riled this mornin’.
    Was yur sweetie good to yuh this week?  More important, were yuh sweet to yur sweetie?  Understand, fully understand, fer it’s hard for an ol’ codger like you to be sweet.  Most of it has run out of yuh over the years.  But take this ol’ fence post, the sweetness just oozes from the splinters.
    Ahhh, coffee’s good.  Lord sure knew what He was doin’ makin’ that coffee bean.  ‘Course He always knows what He’s a-doin’ that’s why I chose to ride the trail with Him long ago.  ‘Course, He’s had to take care of me more than a time or two.  Was wounded once, and He put some of that balm of Gilead on me and it shore did me right.
    Want yuh to know, my newest book will be headin’ to the publisher next week.  My first book just came out in a new edition.  There was a title and cover change.  To my way of thinkin’ it looks good.
    Yuh be takin’ it easy on the trail this week.  Don’t get yourself all riled, and for mercy’s sake, stay alert.  There’s storms a-brewin’ an’ yuh have to be right careful out in that evil world.  Be sure yuh don’t go places without the Lord by yur side.  I’ll talk to yuh again, that is, if’n yuh don’t forget to check yur cinch.

She watched intently as he ate and refilled his coffee cup two more times.  Finally, after a heroic effort, he finished his pie, leaned back in his chair and patted his stomach.  ‘That was the best piece of pie I ever ate.'”
              –C.M. Curtis  (Return of the Outlaw)

Get in this kitchen Pard, don’tcha know better that to be out in this weather?  It’ll put an ache in yur bones.  I’ll grabs some cups; coffee’s hot an’ I’ll have yuh a cup poured in no time.  Sure glad I’m down in this cold, Texas weather–ha, shore don’t think I could handle any minus zero weather any more.  See how the Lord shows us blessin’ in little ways.
    Mercy, that was sure a good apple pie.  Should have saved yuh a piece, but as I know yur a bit concerned ’bout yur midriff I didn’t want to tempt yuh.  I ate half of the last piece, don’t have a clue who et the other half.  I mention this, now don’t get ruffled over it, but the wife made a coconut cream pie for dinner last Sunday.  Spoilt–who me?
    Shore has been interestin’ watchin’ that fool from “New York City” makin’ even a bigger fool of herself.  Did yuh happen to catch even part of her plan?  De-gas the cows, no airplanes, no guns, guaranteed income even for those who don’t work, every buildin’ in the country rebuilt are just a few of the plan.  Now, let me get to the point pard, don’t be a-worryin’ I’ll fill yur cup, but first I wonder how such a novice, first-time young mouth of a congresswoman has so much clout?  Stop and think of that.  How come they allow her to spout so much?  That’s what I can’t figure.
    Now to yur coffee.  I wouldn’t want to keep yuh waitin’.  Heat up those innards before headin’ back out.  Now, I do muh readin’ and research, by surely I came ‘cross this little piece.  There’s a hullaballoo concernin’ minimum wage an’ thought this is appropriate, “If yuh have minimum skills, minimum education, show minimum motivation, and provide minimum contribution why should someone be forced to pay you more than minimum wage?  Let that soak through yur brain fer a while.
    Pot’s empty, so yu’ll be leavin’.  Glad yuh stopped by; now yuh be careful, stay away from gassy cows, be mindful enough to check yur cinch.

He drank coffee and stared into the fire lost in thought.  He watched the sparks snap and fly then get drawn up the chimney.”
              –Dave P. Fisher (Where No Man Rules)

Pard, be gettin’ yurself in out of the cold.  Coffee’s ready, go ahead, take a sip.  Now, I’ve been ponderin’–if that little rodent Phil is so smart then why is he dumb enough to get out of a night warm burrow to run outside in the cold?  He’s gonna tippy-toe out in the freezin’ cold just so he can see if there’s gonna be more winter.  An’ ‘nother thing, his predictions ain’t no better than those high-paid people who get paid for lyin’.  Hmpf, weathermen, lawyers, and politicians all get paid for lyin’, now ain’t that something.
    Sure hope ya had a good week.  If’n I saw things right, where some folks live it got down-right cold.  Brrr, my poor little tootsies couldn’t take that cold weather any more.  Thought ’bout the times when I was a kid and it would get way down below zero.  There wasn’t any heat in my upstairs room, and my bed was by the window.  I can remember, my feet comin’ out from under the covers and touching the window and it would be ice.  Brrr, makes me shiver to think of it; let me swaller some of this coffee ‘fore I continue.  Yuh know, we did what we had to so, and we survived.  But some folk will have it rough.
    Ahhh, don’t be leavin’ so soon, it’ll make me want to get up and just sit and stare at the fire.  Guessin’, from what I’m readin’, that this is the time to declare if yur runnin’ for President.  My mercy, look at the, the, sorry Pard, I’m tryin’ to think of a decent name for them, those who are runnin’.  If any of those cahoots would get elected, it would surely be a fright.  Makes me want to get the shotgun down, have it ready.  Get some extra shells and ca’tridges for the pistol, but not gonna fret over that now.
    Saw a picture of my ol’ buddy Bill this week.  He used to sit ’round the fire and enjoy coffee.  Yuh know Bill’s been passed on for several years now.  He sure blazed many a trail; makes me wonder where he finally ended up.  Always pondered why folks say RIP–rest in peace.  Guess it’s to give them ease of mind, ’cause if they haven’t made their peace with the Lord while soakin’ up life and drinkin’ coffee, they shore ain’t restin’ easy on the other side.  
    Sorry, didn’t want to end on such a somber word.  Take yur last few swallers and yuh can be on yur way.  Yuh ride easy, don’t be in a rush, take time to see what the Lord has fer you this week.
    And my goodness, don’t be a fool, check that cinch ‘fore yuh mount up.