Coffee Percs

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

I heated up a canteen cup of coffee with a sterno tablet. I had to hover over it to keep the rain from drowning it out.”
                    –E.B. Sledge

Yippi-ki-yay, Pard, it’s Saturday.  Just wanted to let out a hoot ’cause the Lord done blessed us with another day together, and that the coffee is ready, hot, and ready to be guzzled.  I was readin’ ol’ Sledge’s quotation.  I’ve made coffee a few times over sterno, but more often over hexamine tablets.  I had a little tripod with a center disc large enough for a tablet.  My cup would fit nicely over it, and I could get one cup hot enough with one tablet.  I was just reading that they were banned last October.  Another good thing done away with ’cause of the fools out there.  Next they’ll be takin’ matches, ’cause they start fires.  “Course these modern matches, the light everywhere kind, don’t light everywhere.  Probably not enough phos’rus on the tip.
     Heard that the blueberries are ripe and ready for the pickin’.  Now if’n I could just go get the daughter and girls to pick me some, maybe even send the Missus to help, I could have me a blueberry pie, or blueberry muffins, or blueberry cake–well, yuh get the picture.  When I was a teenager, ‘back in the sixties blueberry pie was my favorite.  Mmmm, imagine that with a cup of this brew.  Wouldn’t that make the gizzard sit up with delight; might even get a howl from it.
     On a more serious note, I want to share something with yuh.  Maybe it’s more of a comical, stupid, foolish note, but behind it sits the lies of the pit.  The pope, in all his splendor and pseudo-glory has made a proclamation.  He said this on 60 Minutes, “We are all fundamentally good.  Yes, there are some rogues and sinners, but the heart itself is good.”  My, my, is he self-deluded or not?  The prophet of old, Jeremiah, said this, “The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)  Perhaps he should also take a look at Proverbs where the heart is described as foolish, perverse, wicked, proud, haughty, evil, and other such things.  Why even the sage Paul recognized that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

     Yelp, Pard, false prophets and deceivers are out there, don’t yuh be caught up in their sayin’s.  An’ the more they rattle an’ spout, the more they believe themselves.  These are those whom the Lord sends a strong delusion to.  Ahhh, sure nothin’ delutin’ ’bout this coffee, that’s for sure.  Pure deee—light!  Pard, yuh watch out for them fakers, seers, an’ the like.  They’ll try to steal the truth from yuh.  An’ don’t go ridin’ off without checkin’ yur cinch first–that’s another way yuh can be deluded, by fallin’ on yur noggin’.
         Vaya con Dios.

 

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

The rain continued for the rest of the night and all the following day. It rattled into their tin plates while they ate, and diluted the hot black coffee they drank.”

                    –Ralph Compton  (The Western Trail)
 
Come on in, Pard.  At least the rain’s gone for a few days.  I’ve seen some rain in my time, but this is one of the best of ’em.  Just when yuh think it’s gonna stop, it starts right on in rainin’ again.  I don’t know how much we’ve had, but it has to be twenty-five inches plus in the past two weeks.  Should have a rain barrel set out.  I remember that Pappy always had one to catch the rain.  But yuh know, we’re complainers at heart, come this summer we’ll be complainin’ of how hot and dry it is and that we wish we’d have some rain.  We need to be in tune with the Lord that no matter the weather we can bring up a smile and take on the storm even if’n we do have to hunker down and endure it for a spell.
       Well, Pard, the coffee’s hot an’ ready for yur tonsil test.  See if’n it slides down or glides down.  I guarantee it’ll move down faster than a cup of molasses.  Take a swaller whilst I tell yuh a story I read ’bout that ol’ circuit-ridin’ preacher Robert Sheffey.  He was quite a character as were many of those dedicated men who went about preachin’ God’s Word to those on the outskirts of civilization.
       It seems that on one of his journeys he was called in to pray for a child who had been bitten by a rattlesnake.  He began to pray, “O Lord, we do thank Thee for rattlesnakes.  If it had not been for a rattlesnake they would never have called upon You.  Send a rattlesnake to bite Bill, and one to bite John, and send a great big one to bite the old man.”  It seems that they weren’t a God-fearin’ family an’ only called on the Preacher as a last resort.  But, yuh know something–the Lord works in mysterious ways.  Here the devil might have meant to take the life of the boy an’ it was used to bring the Preacher, prayer, and eventually possible conversion.  You’ve seen it, an’ I’ve seen it plenty of times where the Lord takes what is meant for evil and uses it for good.
       How ’bout that coffee?  I calls it “kitchen blend” ’cause its made up of some remains of some coffee I had.  Don’t be likin’ it too much, ’cause there’s no way it can be duplicated.  Not the best, but for sure not the worst I’ve had.  See, yuh never know what I might be brewin’.  One day it might be that special elixir Kona, another day Arbuckles or Community, an’ like today–kitchen blend.
       Pard, yuh be sayin’ a prayer for those in the military for today is Armed Forces Day.  Those folk sure do need our prayers, not only from the attacks that might come from and enemy, but from those within our country who want to make clowns of our military.  So, ‘nough said regardin’ that last week, yuh just be prayin’.  Oh, an’ keep yur guns ready and handy, for yuh never know….  Stay ridin’ true to the Lord, an’ checkin’ yur cinch when yuh mount.
          Vaya con Dios.

 

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

He had finished the coffee and laid the cup on the table and he had his eyes on the scrolled brown pattern of the cup while he went through his thinking.”

                    –Ernest Haycox  (The Earthbreakers)
 
Mornin’ to yuh, Pard.  Yep, been doin’ a heap of deep-thinkin’ this week.  My land, when yuh think yuh’ve seen it all, then wham–yuh ain’t.  Yuh know the world used to be like the ol’ merry-go-round at the carnival, but now it’s more like the tilt-o-whirl.  It’s not only spinnin’, but it’s spinni’ this a-way and that a-way, and jerkin’ the daylights out of yuh at the same time.
       But let’s take a moment to savor the elixir before us.  Ahhh, good an’ strong.  Hopefully it’ll help us see straight after bein’ on this topsy-turvy world.  Hang on for what I’m ’bout to tell yuh will shake the bones of ol’ Baden-Powell.  With the advent of WOKE, there is no longer the Boy Scouts of America.  Yep, they’ve become ashamed of that name, for the reason of plain stupidity.  It will now be called, Scouting America.  How ’bout that?  Don’t that shake yur gizzard some?  WOKE, why don’t we really call it was it is–the lies of the devil.  
       I need another swaller after that to kinda settle the bile.  But here’s something else.  In the name of “culture” and WOKEISM, West Point will now be teaching all freshmen about the “evolution of cross-dressing in the military.”  Yuh think I’m jokin’?  Wish I were.  Yep they say they need to be teachin’ regardin’ “gender norms.”  My mercy, that’s easy enough–male and female.  That’s all there is about gender; they way God made them.  Yuh see, people are tryin’ to be little gods, and they’re gettin’ themselves and tryin’ to get others all confused.  But let me tell yuh something else about the current situation that we are seein’ in our fightin’ forces; those that are supposed to be defendin’ us.  
       Here we go…  Last year the Navy appointed a drag queen for help in recruitment in order to attract a “talented” and “diverse workforce.”  Yuh talk ’bout jumpin-frioles!  Thinkin’ to be wise they become fools.  Lord, help us through the jungles…!
       One thing for sure, keep yur heart right before the Lord, another is to ride straight, sit tall in the saddle.  An’ as ol’ Paul wrote, “Be alert, stand firm in the faith, be brave and strong…oh, and one more thing–don’t forget to check yur cinch ‘fore yuh mount up.
       Vaya con Dios.

 

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

The coffee had boiled so long that it was a thick sludge when it drizzled into his cup. Just the way he liked it.” 

                    –Lynnette Bonner  (Songs in the Night)
 
I wanted the coffee to be extry strong this mornin’ for the things I’ve got t’ tell yuh.  Sit yurself down, take a couple of long swallers so’s yur gizzard is fully awake and the stomach is coated for the bile that might come its way.  First of all, glad yuh could make it over.  That ol’ hoss of yurs must have canoes for feet or he can paddle like a duck.  Whooee, have we had the rain.
     But on to what I wants to tell yuh.  Ready?  Here goes, an’ this is almost quotin’ directly:  There must be a reinterpretation of the Gospels to the Christian faith of God.  It must be based on popular common sense.  Who said it, yuh ask?  Why the grand hoopla himself over in the Vatican–the pope.  Now if that don’t gall yuh, and here’s somethin’ else–what is popular common sense?  Must be speakin’ ’bout the Woke crowd, the progressives.  Hmm, settin’ up the work for the False Prophet who will cheer on that evil man that is to come.
     Now if’n that ain’t enough to rile yuh some, listen to this, happened last week.  The United Methodist Church has changed its mind.  It overturned overwhelmingly, the article said its ban on ordaining gay clergy.  They will allow same-sex marriages in the church.  Well, ain’t that enough to pop yur bubble gum!   A bunch of church officials may change their minds but the Lord Almighty doesn’t change.  He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  Mercy me, what if the good Lord was always changin’ His mind.  Perhaps only every century or so.  Why He might think that us poor ol’ fence posts might not be needed in the Millennium, and if’n yuh have too many knots on yur noggin’ yuh might no longer fit in.
     With all this rain, yuh think we might at least run through our noggin’s the thought of the days of Noah.  As it was in the days of Noah…  Pard, oh, yuh need a refill of this thick sludge.  Don’t blame yuh, drink all yuh want to settle down the bile.  Don’t be a-bowin’ to none of this junk.  Salami, Salami, Baloney–as the wise ol’ stooges would say.
     Hey, Pard, I was close to right.  I see yur ol’ mount is wearin’ waders.  Stay on high ground, ’cause there ain’t no dry ground right now.  Be safe if’s yuh have to go out, and best be checkin’ that cinch a couple of times; it might slip with the wetness.
       Vaya con Dios.