Coffee Percs

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

The hot coffee from the thick porcelain cup, which had a chip out of the handle, steamed his still unshaven face.”

                         –Stephen Bly  (It’s Your Misfortune)
 
Mornin’, I took advantage of my age and my retirement and decided to sleep in this mornin’.  Hope I didn’t keep yuh waitin’ too long; I’ll have the coffee a-perkin’ before yuh know it.  Whist yur a-waitin’ let me sing to yuh, well maybe not sing, this little ditty I found.
 
          An ode to coffee… Black.
          Leave the sugar on the rack.
          Leave the cream in the cow.
          This coffee…  It beckons to me:
          Drink me the way I was meant to be.
 
Sorta catchy, ain’t it?  Now tell me yur woes, and I’ll fetch the coffee.
       Yuh know, Pard, things jist ain’t the same no more.  With all the foolishness that abounds it’s hard to find any common sense, an’ then yuh add to that anything more than mediocre is hard to be a findin’ nowadays.  It seems like we’ve become obsessed with gadgets so we don’t have to be doin’ no thinkin’ our ownselves.
       No, I hear the perkin’, I won’t let the coffee boil over onto the stove top.  But these gadgets, let me tell yuh.  My daughter bought a new steel mount, it rides real nice let me tell first off, but it is full of them gadgets, beepin’, pingin’, buzzin’, dingin’ and dongin’.  Why there’s something goin’ on all the time, this ol’ fence post couldn’t even get my philosophyzing done on the trip.  Why, Pard, I even heard tell that there’s vehicles out there now that drive themselves, and park themselves.
       Here yuh go, steamin’ hot, black as the darkest night, and stronger than an ol’ mule’s shoe.  Take a sip, drink it down real slow, and it’ll calm those woes yur a-carryin’.  Ahhhh, glad I decided to get up…   But back to what I was sayin’, I’m a-thinkin’ that those new fangled gadget keep us from thinkin’ real hard.  Why a person don’t need to remember nothin’ no more, just push a button on some sort of gadget and the answer comes up.  And as fer as drivin’ itself folks are already a-doin’ that with the Lord.  They don’t need Him as long as they can hear a ding, or feel a buzz, or ask that crazy woman Alexa, or simply put ol’ Google.  Why need the Lord, man has provided all that we’re a-needin’.  All except a clean heart.  And let me tell yuh, Pard, ain’t no artificial intelligence can do that.  Nosiree, only the blood of Jesus can bring salvation.
       Yuh be havin’ yurself a good day.  I’m slowly gettin’ back into some kind of routine.  It may still take a while.  In the meantime, yuh be checkin’ yur cinch when yuh mount, don’t be lettin’ anyone put a ding-dong on yur saddle to remind yuh.
        Vaya con Dios.

 

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

Before walking out the door, he drained the rest of the coffee from his cup and grabbed his hat.”
                    –Duane Boehm  (Sun Over the Mountains)

Say, it seems like a month of Sundays since we’ve shared coffee together.  Whooeee, plenty of miles on the roads since last time.  And we get together to share a few grand things.  First, Pard, I heard that yesterday was National Coffee Day, whatever that means.  Well, if the doomafligets, and whoopidigangels, along with the whatchamacalits get their day, why not coffee?  Ahhh, that’s some good coffee–New Guinea, one of my two favorites.  Don’t gulp it, Pard, first yul burn yur tonsils and second yuh will miss that delectable taste.
       Second, yuh do realize that another month has done passed us by?  Mercy, this ol’ world is just a whirlin’ along.  Yuh go to sleep one night and the next thing yuh know another month has gone an’ what do yuh have to say about it?  Just another hole in yur britches.  I was gonna say pockets, but yuh haven’t patched them up in a long time.  Yuh never know the last time yul walk out that door with yur hat on.  Time moves on until that day when it will be no more.
       Smooth, that’s what this is.  Satisfyin’ to the gizzard along with the other innards.  An’ that brings me to another thing.  Bein’ the end of another September means that we’ve spent three-fourths of the year discussin’ the graces of coffee along with the grace of the Lord.  Why, Pard, we’re up this mornin’, the sun shinin’ down upon us, an’ we get to enjoy another day of God’s blessin’s.  Some cowpoke after livin’ a full life came up with this genuine truth:  “Life is a gift from God, wake up every day and realize that.”  He later went on to soliloquize: “Life is too short for fake meat, fake cheese, or fake people.”  So, Pard, be genuine–an’ I’m glad to have had yuh along for the ride.  Yuh be sittin’ tall in the saddle, hyar, but check that cinch before yuh mount.

        Vaya con Dios.

 

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

At twilight, after the sun eased behind the mountains, he sat enjoying another cup of coffee and watching the trees. Seeing movement there, he set the cup down beside him and took the thong off the hammer of his Colt.”

                    –C. Wayne Winkle  (Judd’s Journey)
 
Go ‘head, git yurself a cup.  Sorry, I don’t have it next to the pot.  I’ve been busy this mornin’ gettin’ ready to ride one more time.  Not sure have many more journeys are in this ol’ body, but I’ll go ’til I can’t no more.  Good, hot, strong coffee this mornin, Pard.  Don’t be rubbin’ on yur skin or it might take off the hair.  Just finished honin’ my knife. . .  dull knife is kinda like weak coffee, not much good.  I worked with a fellow once who used to put that final edge on his knife by using the leather on his boot.  Let me tell yuh, that blade was sharp as a razor.
       Headin’ up over the Great Plains an’ into the high country.  Don’t worry Pard, I’ll have my weapons ready just in case.  Along with the wife, the eldest daughter and grandson are goin’ to travel.  Yep, gonna show the lad some of the places where I grew up.  Plus I’ve got a hankerin’ to see the mountains once more.  Ha, won’t be able to romp through them like I used to as the years have taken a toll.  And with all the stupid people causin’ new rules and regulations I don’t know if I can stop by a stream to boil up some coffee or not.
       Ahhhh, let’s enjoy this pot.  Don’t know for sure when I’ll be back.  Ha, don’t yuh worry, I’m not gonna take off and trek by myself.  The plan is to come home to the woods of East Texas.  I imagine the trip will be somewhat nostalgic, lookin’ at the trails the Lord has brought me along.  Yep, hope to point out some places to the youngster where the Lord has shown me, and where I’ve tromped.  Now, I’m not one to pick one favorite verse, but among them that I often use is Proverbs 4:18.  Go ahead, finish that cup, I’ll pour yuh another then recite. 
       “The path of the just is like the shining sun, that shines ever brighter unto the perfect day.”  Later on, ol’ Solomon said in the same chapter, “Ponder the paths of your feet, and let all your ways be established.”  Hmmm, gettin’ nostalgic already.  Yuh be doin’ good whilst I’m gone.  Don’t be drinkin’ no weak coffee, or any cinos, and for goodness sake remember to check yur cinch as I won’t be about to remind yuh.
        Vaya con Dios.

 

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

When he thought the coffee had boiled long enough he used a forked stick to lift the bucket by its bail and set it back from the fire.”

                    –Elmer Kelton  (The Good Old Boys)
 
“Ohh, ohhh, I’m pressin’ on the upward way, New heights I’m gainin’ ev’ry day…”  What’s that, Pard?  I’m causin’ yur vertigo to act up?  My singin’ ain’t that bad.  Oh, it’s the thought of high altitude.  Take a deep swaller of that coffee; it’ll cure yur dizziness.  My mercy, Pard, what’s gonna happen when the Lord rushes yuh up thru the clouds?  No, you won’t have no wings.  Yur sure ‘nough not an angel now, and for goodness sakes we don’t become angels neither either.
       Been a while since I’ve boiled coffee in a pail.  I remember Grandpa used to do that when out fishin’.  Me, well, I was a little more sophisticated; I had a little coffeepot I always carried with me.  Been a time or two I’d get it out of the ol’ steel mount and make coffee on the side of the road.  No, Pard, I didn’t carry a little enamel pan, that was in my book about Elias Butler.  Like I said, I’m one for modern technology.  If’n I’m gonna boil coffee I’ll use a regular pot, and if’n I want to get fancy when I’m out I use a percolator.  
       How’s yur vertigo now?  I thought yuh got it ’cause yuh fell on yur noggin’ too many times.  Yuh best be ready, I know we’re gonna meet the Lord in the sky at the rapture, but I thought I heard the angels wranglin’ up that heavenly herd.  Whoooeeee, won’t that be a sight.  We’ll be ridin’ down from heaven thro’ the skies with the Lord.  Pard, yu’ll forget all about that vertigo, but that don’t mean yuh can mount one of those heavenly horses without first checkin’ yur cinch.  The good Lord ain’t gonna do it for yuh.
       Come on Pard, join me.  Go ‘head take another swaller, “Still prayin’ as I’m onward bound, ‘Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.'”  Compliments to the sage who wrote this fine song that thrills my innards.  Johnson Oatman, Jr., and think Pard, he might be ridin’ right along next to yuh.  Listen while yur guzzlin’ down that coffee.  We’re goin’ upward to glory all the time.  Sometimes the elevation don’t seem like much, just like crossin’ the Divide in northern New Mexico or southern Wyoming.  But then there’s other times like goin’ over those high passes in Colorado.  
       Hold on, Pard, I need to swaller some.  Made me a little nostalgic for a moment.  I used to cry to the Lord to head out to the High Lonesome.  But He said, I had work to do in the valley and on the plains.  I didn’t realize that in reality I was really movin’ upward.  A step, an inch, quarter mile, but always upward.  Yeehaw!  Let’s ride, Pard!  My cinch is tight, “Lord, lead me on to higher ground!”
         Vaya con Dios.