Coffee Percs

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

He finished the cup of coffee. He scowled with each sip he took, but he finished it.”

                    –Patrick Lindsay  (Opening the Frontier:  Spencer and Son)
 
Now don’t yuh dare be a-scowlin’ at me!  That’s some of the finest New Guinea coffee roasted right here in Coldspring by the Spring Ridge Roasters.  Whoopee, that’s fine coffee, so don’t let me be seein’ a scowl nor a frown, nor even a grim look.  I want to see the smile of satisfaction on your face that goes all the way down to yur gizzard.
       Speakin’ of gizzards, I read somethin’ the other day that sure caused mine to tremble and shake.  Pard, this is the United States, founded on Godly principles, but this nation is in a sorry fix.  I won’t even go into what’s bein’ said on the floor of the House, nor do I want to be talkin’ politics for it’ll sure not only rile the gizzard, but the liver and stomach as well.  But this is beyond politics.  
       It seems that there is a bill on the floor of the Nebraska legislature that would ban minors from attending drag performances.  No, not drag races as in vehicles, but those idiots who dress up as other sexes, yuh know those with their minds all messed up like Billy-Bob says he’s Sally-Jane.  Well, let me get on, there has now been a bill to counter that.  This one would ban children from attending church youth groups or vacation Bible schools.  Now, this is not me, this was reported by Fox News.  Politics is one thing, but morality is somethin’ totally different.  In fact, the politics of the land should be moral, based on Biblical principles.
       Now if’n that don’t rile yuh, well, yuh’ve got a loose cog somewhere in yur noggin’.  If’n it does, well yuh better take a deep draught of that there coffee I brewed up for yuh this mornin’.  Pard, I’m tellin’ yuh it keeps on gettin’ worser an’ worser.  More and more foolishness–fact is, it’s beyond foolishness.  I’m sure glad my ol’ Grandma along with some others aren’t livin’ today; why, it’d mortify their very soul to see what’s a-goin’ on.
       I remember the days when I wanted to head up to the High Lonesome, but my land, those days were a piece of cake compared to what’s goin’ on now.  Boy howdy, do we need to be prayin’ for our grandkids.  They have to see this stuff on a daily basis, and have to hold the standard of God’s Word as they face it.  It’s bad enough that yuh don’t check yur cinch, but now yuh have to watch out for the idiots and imbeciles floatin’ ’round out there just waitin’ to get yuh.  
       Take that last swaller and git on down the road.
                     Vaya con Dios

 

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

He stopped to warm his hands by the big potbellied stove. A taste of coffee might warm his hide a little too, so he filled a cup and walked back to the window.”
                        –Nathan Wright  (The Trail)

Come in, Pard, warm yurself up.  Got up early to get the stove goin’ and the coffee ready for I reckoned yuh might be comin’ over.  Whoopee, we had a storm earlier in the week, but not as bad here as down south of us.  Some of them twisters hit the ground and did some damage.
       Yeah, I know that’s how ol’ Lankus hurt his leg.  No it wasn’t a tornado, but he was foolish enough to mount up on one of them twistin’ bulls.  Pard, to my way of thinkin’ those bullriders are off some in their coconut.  Those things are mean, ornery, and will do a world of hurt to a fella, almost like one of them twisters comin’ down from the sky.
       Sure hope yuh had yurself a good week.  Sit on down an’ let’s jaw on it some.  The world is crazy so it’s good to have someone with common sense even if’n they forget to check their cinch once in a while.  Nice to enjoy coffee with a friend.  Good coffee too, if’n I do say so myself.

       Pard, I was jist a-thinkin’ the other day of the mess the country’s in and the words of that last prophet, Malachi.  No, no, he wasn’t Italian, he was Jewish and warned the people that they needed to turn back to the Lord.  The Lord Almighty has extended His mercy throughout the land, but if the people refuse, He said, “He would come and strike the earth with a curse.”  He did it once before with Adam, then again with Noah, and sooner or later, He’ll return and do it again.  Pard, yuh best be ready.
       Solemn thoughts, Pard.  Too solemn for the end of the month, but next Saturday it’ll be February.  Sometime durin’ the week, ol’ Phil will be prophesyin’ ’bout winter–if’n it’ll be hangin’ around longer or not.  Yuh be havin’ yurself a right good week.  Don’t be a hee-hawin’ around, but stay on the straight and narrow road.  Finish that last swaller, and then yuh can get on down the road to do the day’s chores.
        Vaya con Dios.

 

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

He searched through the cupboards until he found a cup and helped him-self to some of that coffee. It always smelled especially good early in the morning. He pulled out a chair and sat, leaning over his cup and enjoying the aroma rising from it.” 

                          –Frank Roderus  (Bowen & Baile)
—————————————–
       Mornin’, Pard, keepin’ yur powder dry?  Listen, this is a time to be watchin’ over yur henhouse.  Don’t be lettin’ those weasels and other varmints be gettin’ to yur layin’ hens and eggs.  Ever seen the sight?  Eggs–over thirty cents a piece.  
       I used a quotation by Lou Bradshaw earlier in the week ’bout skunks under the house.  They sure let out a smell, ‘spescially when they goes to fightin’ one t’ the other.  Yuh know the truth of the matter is that there’s plenty of them skunks walkin’ ’round leavin’ a stink behind them.  Most of it comes from the nonsense spewin’ from their mouth.  Just listen for a while, the world is full of sickenin’ foolish notions.  Why one of them aromatic fools said that a person who don’t get vaccinated and go out without mask are no different than a drunk driver, and this here skunk is supposed to be a medical doctor.  No wonder people don’t trust their doctors no more.  Boy howdy.
       Then there are those weasels who murder for the fun of it.  They’ll get into a henhouse and slaughter all of those hens unless there’s enough squawkin’ to get yur attention.  By the time yuh can do anything ’bout it though, there’s blood everywhere.  We used to think of those folks like the used car salesman or a shyster lawyer.  Now, there are all sorts that want to sneak away yur morals and virtues by simply goin’ against the way God created us.  Here’s a good one for yuh, sorry for the delicacy of the matter, but it shows to go yuh how folks are tryin’ to mess up God’s world and laws.  “Non female students who are menstruating face a stigma when asking for menstrual products.”  Huh??  I saw this an’ jist had to shake the ol’ noggin’.  Folks this is what we have in government today, an’ they are usin’ it to spend yur money.
       Crazy–the whole world’s gone insane.  Sure glad I can go to someone with a firm foundation–the Lord Jesus Christ.  Yuh jist sip yur coffee for a moment, but we do have a Rock that is unshakeable.  We can trust Him to help us in the midst of the storm of idiocy as well as the natural storms of life, but yuh know, it’ll take some effort on yur part and mine to counter the stupidity with the truth.  Folks jist don’t want to know the truth no more.
       Whew, glad that’s off’n my mind.  Let’s finish this pot so yuh can get on to what needs to be doin’ today.  Don’t go out misguided.  Why some of those folks will tell yuh that there’s no need to check yur cinch.  Why they wouldn’t know a cinch from a lasso, they’re the same skunks that’ll tell yuh to drink cinos.  Yuh be careful now, stay loaded…
       Vaya con Dios.

 

Coffee Percs

by Ira Paine, Posted on

It wasn’t a minute he was back with two cups of coffee. I was relishing a cup. He let me take a few sips; it was hot, strong, and black. ‘Ahhh,’ came a sigh from my being.”

                         –D.C. Adkisson  (Redemption)
 
Whooee, Pard, it’s already two weeks into 2023.  Yuh must be doin’ good, checked yur cinch every time yuh mounted.  Proud of yuh, Son, yur doin’ good.  Another year in front of yuh, an’ if’n yuh keep practicin’ what yuh’ve been taught yuh just might make it ’til December, the good Lord willin’ and if He tarries.
       Some good, hot, strong coffee this mornin’.  Black, and strong enough to settle the gizzard.  What’s that?  Yuh was tempted last week to have a cino?  Or just some honey in yur coffee?  The thing is, did yuh succumb?  Temptation ain’t wrong long as we don’t play around with it, or give in.  Yuh picked up the bottle of honey an’ had to lick it from yur fingers didn’t yuh?  One thing, no matter how careful one is, if yuh pick up a honey bottle yur bound to get some on yur fingers.  That’s just the way it is.  Tastes good don’t it?  But it’s not for coffee drinkin’.
       Speakin’ of honey, I’m reminded of that ol’ song by Brother Graves, “Oh, there’s Honey in the Rock my brother, There’s Honey in the Rock for you…”  Yuh remember that?  Almost would get me cloggin’ in the kitchen, but ‘fraid I might throw out my hip.  
       The Lord sure is good.  Why, He’s allowed us to have some communion together, go ‘head taste that brew.  I guarantee it will delight you.  Ahhh, nice to sit and jaw a spell with yuh this Saturday mornin’.  It’s good to rest with an ol’ pard, drink some coffee, and ponder the goodness of the Lord.  Back to the Lord tarryin’ His comin’. . . I know He is patient and waitin’ for the last one to be saved, but my mercy, the things that are happenin’, well, He can’t be waitin’ much longer.  Did yuh hear ’bout the Drag Queen preachin’ in the church?  Shame, upon shame.   Makes me tremble to think of that.  
       But you an’ me, Pard, we’re goin’ to be holdin’ steady ’til He comes for us.  Went to the Doc as was told that my heart is still tickin’, but that don’t relieve the aches and pains.  In fact, the Doc said that I looked good on the outside, not to brag, but wasn’t so sure of my innards.  Right now everythin’ is still workin’ so I’m not goin’ to fret over it.  I’ll just put my trust in the hand of the Lord, sip some good coffee and enjoy my day.
       See yuh on down the road Pard, make sure yuh don’t take the wrong fork in the road.  Keep one eye on the eastern sky an’ the other on the horizon.  Don’t be goin’ cockeyed, but what I’m tellin’ yuh Pard is be ready.  The Lord surely is comin’.
      Vaya con Dios.